


Chances Are (yeah, that's a nod to RDJ's movie)

by Daretodream66



Series: Chances Are [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, M/M, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-09-30 15:34:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 30
Words: 27,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17226683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daretodream66/pseuds/Daretodream66
Summary: Steve just needed something in this new century to ground him.  He didn't get what he expected.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea while sitting on the porch with the dog. I've been working on it for months. It's still not finished, but I have about 19 chapters so far. I'll be editing and posting when I can, but I will try to make it as often as once or twice a week. Teaching is a bitch and sometimes work things get in the way.

They are standing on the side of the mountain, watching as the Commandos check and recheck the equipment. They are joking about an ice truck and Coney Island and payback. Steve looks over at Bucky and his best friend nods. Riding the wire to the top of the speeding train doesn’t seem all that smart, but it’s their one shot at this and they have to take it. Once landing, Steve turns to make sure that Bucky made it okay. He’s clinging to the top of the train, checking for unfriendlies and nods to Steve.

They aren’t expecting this much of a fire fight once they get inside. It’s as though Hydra knew they were coming. It sets alarm bells off in Steve’s mind, but he has to push those down and focus on the here and now. He’ll think about the likelihood that this is a trap later. If Hydra knew they were coming, then Steve needs to figure out where that leak came from.

His shield is blown out of his hands and when he looks up, Bucky is holding it, blocking fire. For a split second, Steve thinks how good he looks holding it, like its meant to be in his hands all along. Bucky blocks another shot and the side of the car is blown out of the train. The speeding locomotive takes a sharp curve and Bucky goes out the hole. Steve yells, then has to turn and fight one of the Hydra goons. Once disposed of, he runs for the opening and sees Bucky hanging on for dear life.

He stretches and even inches his way out, screaming for Bucky to grab his hand. He tries, he really tries, but the metal makes a scraping creak and breaks away. Steve watches in disbelief as Bucky falls away. He stares in horror, watching as his heart falls into oblivion. Pulling into himself, he doesn’t know how someone else’s death can feel like his own. There’s nothing left inside. For an instant, he thinks of letting go and falling too. Just for a second, he wants that more than he wants to keep going. But, there are other’s depending on him. He reenters the train with tears on his face and beats down everything and everyone he comes across. Zola doesn’t stand a chance against a man who has nothing to live for.

Colonel Phillips tries to debrief him, but Steve walks out of the building and into the snow. Winding his way through the bombed out streets, he finds his way back to that pub. The pub where realization had raised an ugly head and clarity breached the wall that Steve had put up years ago to protect himself and Bucky. He sits, wishing for drunken oblivion. That’s where Peggy finds him. Steve doesn’t want to see her or anyone else. He doesn’t care what comes next. He only cares that everything he’s been living for, far longer than he’ll admit to anyone, is gone.

She talks about honor and courage and duty. All he can see is Bucky falling to his death on Steve’s watch. As she turns to leave, there’s a pause. “You loved him?” It is quiet, almost not even there.

“I love him. He’ll never be gone to me.”

She never brings it up again, but he knows that she understands. Whatever form that understanding comes in, it’s there. They plan out an attack on the base where Schmitt does his research and Steve goes in expecting to beat the man, or whatever he is now, to death with his bare hands. It won’t help, it won’t bring Bucky back, but it is all Steve has now. There is only red and death.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2 and I'm going to put up Chapter 3 in just a few minutes. Let me know if this needs to be finished or taken down.

The plan is to enter the base, apprehend Schmitt and destroy all of the weapons. That is the plan. It doesn’t happen quite that way. Steve has one mission and that is to kill Schmitt. It isn’t anyone else’s plan, but they don’t need to know that he has his own agenda. He gives orders and his men follow them. He goes his own way and hears Peggy calling for him. He ignores everyone, including her. If anyone knows what he has planned, it is Peggy.

Once on board the plane, he does what he has to do, to get to Schmitt. Killing the other men is just another obstacle in his path. Once face to face with the mutated man, he only sees Bucky falling. He clinches his eyes shut to clear that from his vision. Moving forward, shield in hand, he goes on the offense. Then, Schmitt picks up the cube and is disintegrated. Steve really wanted to kill him, but that works just as well.

Checking the flight pattern of the smaller ship, he realizes where it has been programmed to go. The course has been locked in and there is only one chance to fix it. He’s scared, sure, but it also means that the end of the line is near. He makes the call and talks to Peggy until he can’t communicate anymore. When the plane hits the ice, Steve is jolted out of his seat and into the bulkhead. Ice, melted by the engines, begins to fill the plane and Steve knows. Dragging himself up, he grabs his shield and finds a solid surface.

Lying down is the easiest thing that Steve has ever done. All the fights he dragged Bucky into as kids, not once had he considered lying down. This…this is easy. He knows the serum will try to fight drowning and freezing. He knows the serum will do everything in its power to keep him alive as long as possible. He knows that no one will get here in time and he’s okay with that. Howard will search and may even find him, but if God is on his side, he’ll already be gone. He’ll already be with Bucky.

The water and ice take him and he doesn’t fight. He doesn’t struggle for breath. In fact, he inhales deeply and tastes the salt of the ocean across his tongue. The shield, lying across his chest, doesn’t protect from this. But, he doesn’t really want protection from this. His mind stays alert for much longer than he expects and tells him to fight, to get to air. He turns that part of his brain off and lets it fill with Bucky, his beautiful Bucky.

Bucky never knew. He never even suspected as far as Steve could tell. It was the biggest secret that Steve and his mother shared. She was the only one that knew and loved him anyway. That’s when he knew that his mother was a saint. He loved Bucky from the minute he jumped into that fight and saved Steve’s scrawny ass. He loved Bucky through every illness and every disagreement. He loved Bucky for his cocksure attitude and way of making Steve feel important. 

The last thing he remembers thinking is ‘I love you.’


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The man assassinated in this chapter was real. He's an unsolved mystery and I thought it would be fun to use that.

The soldier knew that his handlers would be proud of him. The whole mission has been easier than he expected. Once the handlers gave him the target and parameters, he is left to plot out his own way of carrying it out. He’s good with guns and knives, but they want this one to look different, to look almost accidental. He can work with that.

Going over the file one last time, they take him to West Germany. On October 11, 1987, he takes to the roof opposite the hotel where Uwe Barschel is staying. The man made the mistake of going after a soon-to-be highly placed Hydra politician. Barschel is out to dinner and due back by 10. The soldier waits.

He is patient and knows that because of his patience, he will be successful. At 9:30 the soldier makes his way silently across the roof and into the hotel room. Just before 10, Barschel opens the door to his room, lays his jacket over a chair and goes into the bedroom.

The soldier watches from the darkness until he enters the bathroom. Once inside, the soldier puts the needle just at the base of the man’s hairline. He goes limp. Putting him into the bathtub, the soldier puts the stopper in and runs the water until it is just to the man’s neck. Pulling out the small camera, he takes a picture of the dead man to carry back to base.

Once back in Siberia, he gives the proof to his handlers. They congratulate him on a successful mission and give the soldier time to wash up. Once done, he reports to the chair. It isn’t that the soldier likes the chair, but it is necessary after each mission. Being wiped hurts, but makes his mind clear. It has been explained to him that going into cryo without being wiped makes going under more difficult, so the soldier does what is expected of him.

The only thing about it he regrets is the blond man. The soldier doesn’t know who he is, but when he’s out of cryo for long periods of time, he remembers that face. Sometimes the soldier is thankful for the chair. It makes the face go away.

“Ah, Soldier, it is good to be home, yes?” The technician likes to talk to him, but they never really seem interested in what he has to say, so he nods and sits down.

Placing the mouth piece in, he bites down hard knowing what is coming. The cuffs clamp over his arms and he feels himself already clinching his fists. The chair tilts back and the head brace secures. “You are our greatest asset, Soldier.”

The switch is flipped and electricity courses through the soldier’s body. He bucks up and screams, but that is normal. What isn’t normal is the sudden surge that goes through the machine. The last thing the soldier remembers hearing over his own screaming is the screaming of the scientists surrounding him. The machine is finally cut off when someone pulls the main breaker.

It’s too late. The Winter Soldier lay dead in the chair, still shackled. Eyes blank and lifeless.

The soldier’s body is taken to the incinerator and burned. The arm is removed because that kind of technology shouldn’t be wasted. No one thinks twice about tossing the body into the fire. No one considers that he’d been someone, once upon a time. No one cares who the soldier had been; just that he was a weapon now beyond repair. 

No one grieves.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob Weaver's background.

The morning of March 10, 1988, Melinda Weaver gets out of bed and goes to fix breakfast. Her husband, Marcus, told her not to bother he’d bring her something later, but she’s hungry and hadn’t slept well.  The Weaver’s lived in Clinton Hill.  Marcus Weaver owns a nice little restaurant that has become very popular with Howard and Marie Stark.  He’s not sure why they came in that day, but once they’d eaten they swore they’d never eat anywhere else in the city.

Melinda Weaver had been a waitress for Marcus while in college. They’d fallen in love and married her senior year at NYU.  She is a psychologist with the VA and works with some of the more difficult groups.  PTSD isn’t a well known term yet, but it is a widely accepted condition these days.  Once known as shell shock, it is now seen to cover a huge gambit of circumstances.  It isn’t just soldiers that suffer from it, but anyone that has suffered a traumatic experience.  She loves her job, but at 9 months pregnant, she’s had to take time off.

This particular morning, Marcus has been called to the restaurant early when a delivery came in wrong. Melinda makes her way downstairs to dig around for something not too difficult to make in her condition.  She looks into the living room, seeing all of the gifts from the previous days baby shower.  She’ll have to do something about that later today.  According to the doctor, she has another week before the little person using her bladder as a trampoline is due.

Bending over the dishwasher, she pulls out her favorite mug. Looking lovingly at the coffee maker, she looks up at the tea on the shelf.  She likes tea, but giving up coffee has been harder than she thought.  Even the really bad coffee at the VA was starting to smell good.  Just as she’s reaching up for the tea, she feels a pop and then looks down. 

Then her lack of sleep and tossing and turning all night make sense. She’d been waking up every 20 minutes or so uncomfortable and now, standing in her kitchen with a box of tea in her hand, she looks down at the puddle under her and starts to laugh.  “Okay, I guess March 10th is the day you want to do this.”  She rubs her stomach and goes to the phone.  She calls her neighbor first, who comes busting through the door a few minutes after hanging up, then she calls Marcus at the restaurant and tells him to meet her at Brooklyn Methodist because baby Weaver is coming.

March 10, 1988, at 2:37 PM, Jacob Canon Weaver comes into the world with dark brown hair and blue eyes the likes of which Melinda has never seen. Marcus comments that he remembers his great grandmother having eyes that color, but can’t believe that his child would have the same blue/grey eyes.  The nurse smiles indulgently at the new parents and tells them the baby’s eyes will change colors as he gets older.  They never do.

Jacob is a happy baby, smiling almost constantly and able to charm everyone he comes in contact with. Even the old lady down the block that seems to hate everyone, falls in love with him the first time she sees him.  That ability lingers. 

It’s not until a few years later, when Jacob is 4, that things change. During the day, he’s still the happiest kid, but at night he wakes screaming or crying and during the day he talks of his best friend Steve.  When he wakes screaming, he tells his parents that he was falling, when he wakes crying he tells them that Steve is really sick and his ma thinks he’s going to die.  He starts drawing Steve in all of the family pictures.  Melinda knows that kids have imaginary friends and tells Marcus to trust her, that ‘Steve’ will fade as Jacob gets older.  He never does, only Jacob does stop talking about him when he turns 10.

The dreams continue and the older Jacob gets, the more worried Melinda becomes. He doesn’t talk about Steve, so when she questions him, he tells her that he knows Steve isn’t real, but the dreams are so vivid that they still scare him.  She asks him to recall one of them, so he does…

_‘Bucky drags Steve out of a fight, yet again, but this time Sarah is going to be well and truly pissed. Steve has a split lip and what’s going to be one hell of a black eye.  “Stevie, listen, you can’t just keep picking these fights.”  Steve’s shoulder slumps under Bucky’s arm.  “I can’t just let those guys do whatever they want, Buck.  It’s not right to treat girls that way.”  Bucky smirks where Steve can’t see.  “I’m not sayin it is, pal.”  Steve huffs.  “Then what do you expect me to do?  Walk away?  You know I can’t do that.”  Bucky sighs.  “No, I suppose you can’t, but I can’t be here to bail you out every time.”  Steve pushes away from him.  “I never said you had to bail me out.  I don’t need your help.”  Bucky laughs, then immediately sees the error of that action.  “Screw you, Barnes!”  And Steve is gone, striding away from Bucky and leaving him standing on the street corner.  He’ll have to apologize later, but knows his friend well enough to know, Steve’s got to cool down first.  Bucky hangs his head and goes home.’_

Melinda smiles at Jacob over the table where they share a hot chocolate. “Steve sounds like a really nice guy.”

“He’s the best, Mom.” Jacob smiles a far away, melancholy thing that worries Melinda.  Jacob comes back to himself.  “Can guys marry guys, Mom?”

That jolts her a fair amount. “Not yet, but someday I hope that happens.”

“Well, when it does, I’m gonna marry Steve.”

Jacob starts therapy sessions the next week. Melinda and Marcus talk it through and they do it not because Jacob wants to marry a man, but because he wants to marry a man that doesn’t exist.  It’s a long year of therapy, but at the end, he never brings up Steve again.  Melinda and Marcus are relieved that ‘Steve’ is gone and Jacob can have a peaceful life. 

When Jacob is 11 his parents tell him that he’s going to have a baby sister. They hadn’t planned a second child, but accidents happen.

Olivia Lauren Weaver isn’t just the apple of her parents’ eye, she’s also Jacob’s favorite person. She’s a tiny petite baby that gets sick more often than Jacob ever did.  Jacob carries her everywhere and dotes on her.  Melinda and Marcus get more sleep this time around because Jacob gets up with his sister during the night.  He claims that taking care of her is his responsibility.  When she does get sick, Jacob never leaves her side. 

By the time she’s five and starting school, Jacob takes her every morning and picks her up every afternoon. If anyone even thinks of looking at her wrong, he jumps into the fray and defends her.  Their parents never have to worry about where either of them are because they are always together. 

Jacob works at his dad’s restaurant, learning to cook and wait tables. He goes to the VA with his mom and talks to some of the harder to open up soldiers.  One of the soldiers tells Melinda that her son is an old soul.  He ends up going to NYU and majoring in engineering with a minor in psychology.  His parents and his sister think he hung the moon.  Olivia is the only one that knows that Jacob still dreams of Steve.  They talk about it in the privacy of her room and on really bad nights, she wakes him when she can hear him whimpering in his sleep.

Oli is the first to know that Jacob is gay. When he tells his parents, Oli is right by his side, holding his hand.   Melinda and Marcus don’t care as long as Jacob is happy and start bugging him about bringing a boy home for the holidays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's weird request if you're reading this...  
> Tell me what your thoughts are on Tony and his ability to accept that there are things in the universe that can't be explained by Earth science.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finding Captain America.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told a friend this morning that I was going to take this work down, but she encouraged me to keep going. This is a slow burn. I know that there's been no interaction between the characters yet and it's a couple more chapters before that happens, but for whatever reasons, this piece is my baby. I don't know why, but it is. I think the reason I like writing Cap Steve and modern Bucky is because I don't like how much suffering Bucky has been through. This is my way of reconciling my love for the character and giving him a peace that he doesn't get in the MCU. If you're reading this work, thanks for taking the time. Oh and Coulson and JARVIS are a weakness for me.  
> I have Phil meeting Steve prior to the helicarriers because I can and I'm not sure that Harry Wiley's gym still exists, but it was there in the 30's, so Steve would have heard of it.

Once the drilling team finds the wing of the plane, they call home base. The team isn’t prepared for the  group that shows up.  They were expecting their own scientists, not government scientists.  The government agents that show up know almost immediately what they have, but the idea that Captain Rogers, Captain America would be in the wreckage is so far from their thoughts that they don’t go in expecting it.  When they do find him, they call Director Fury. He sends his most trusted agent.

Coulson sits heavy on the bulkhead stunned into silence. He doesn’t move and barely breathes for the first half hour.  Coulson is man enough to admit that his admiration for Steve Rogers goes just a hair into crush area.

When they get the body back to SHIELD headquarters, they realize that he’s not really dead, just in suspended animation. Coulson feels his heart drop to his feet.  That means that Captain Rogers was alive for a very long time before freezing.  It means that he was alone under the ice and aware for much longer than thought.  It means that his hero suffered.  Coulson remains professional on the outside, but screams for justice on the inside. 

He goes to _her_ grave, like he always does when he’s anxious, he talks it through with a ghost from the past then returns to SHIELD headquarters.

Coulson begs Fury to send him in when Captain Rogers starts to wake, but they think the brunette with brown eyes will be a better choice. She is as close to Peggy Carter as they can get on short notice.  Coulson knows it isn’t going to turn out well, but he stops questioning Fury.  He learned to hold his tongue years ago.  It goes about as well as Coulson thought it would, that is to say, Captain Rogers breaks containment and heads into the streets on foot.

That was almost two weeks ago and Steve has spent time walking the streets of a city he doesn’t know anymore. Riding the subway to places that are no longer familiar and looking into the faces of people that will never be who he is really looking for.  He has been told that Peggy is still alive, but can’t bring himself to go see her yet.  Nothing makes sense and he doesn’t like to be at ‘home’ because he knows he’s being watched.  They tried to give him an agent that would teach him all he needs to know about the 21st century, but he told them no.  He doesn’t need another shadow considering how many he already has.

Early morning, exactly two weeks after running into Time Square, he stands at the grave of Sarah Rogers. He looks down at the small, but clean and cared for marker, wondering who has taken such good care of his mother’s grave, and starts talking to her.

“I don’t know, ma. Nothing is like I thought it would be.  Guess I thought I’d end up with you and Bucky on the other side, whatever that might be.  Didn’t think I’d end up here, in the future, with nothing that feels right and no one that matters to me anymore.”  His shoulders start to shake as the grief takes over again.

From the shadow of a great oak, Coulson watches his hero lose himself in a grief that he can never understand. He looks back at the SUV holding the agents that called him.  Coulson doesn’t like that they are treating Captain Rogers like an asset instead of the hero that he really is.  He holds flowers like he’s visiting the grave in front of him, but changes his mind and slowly walks toward the man lost in his own memories.  “Captain Rogers, sir.”

Steve spins quickly and takes a fighting stance. “Who are you and what do you want?”  Even with the tears staining his cheeks, Steve is still a force to be reckoned with.

“I apologize sir, but I was hoping you would allow me to pay respects to your mother.” He sees Steve take in his clothes, knowing who he is and then the flowers.

Steve allows himself to relax just a little, but still annoyed that one of these assholes would invade a private moment. “Yeah, yeah…sure.”

Coulson takes the flowers that are in the vase and replaces them with the fresh ones. “You know, when I first came here, I was surprised that her grave had become so overgrown and dirty.”  He puts his hand on the headstone.  “I just couldn’t stand for it to look that way, so I started coming when I had the chance and telling her, well,”  He looks back up at Steve.  “Telling her all the stories I’d been told.”  He gives a pained half smile.  “I know most of them weren’t true, but I thought she would enjoy them.”

The more Coulson talks, the bigger Steve’s eyes get. “You…you, kept it…”

Coulson stands and nods sheepishly. “I know that’s probably crossing a line, but I didn’t want her ever thinking that she didn’t matter.”

The tears start tracking down Steve’s cheeks again and he extends his hand. Coulson takes it.  “I’m Steve, it’s nice to meet you…”

He trails off waiting and Coulson realizes that he hasn’t introduced himself. “Oh…yeah…I’m Agent Phil Coulson.  It’s a pleasure to meet you, Steve.”

They go for coffee and Phil listens while Steve tells him about everything he’s come across in this new world he awaken into. Phil tells Steve how he ended up with SHIELD and how sometimes he questions that decision, but always wanted to help people.  “That’s all I ever wanted to do too.  Turns out, it has a price.”  Phil knows there’s something that Steve isn’t saying and hopes that someday they will be better friends and Steve will share.

That afternoon Steve gets lost in his own head again at Harry Wiley’s gym on Broadway. He punches and punches until the bag flies across the room and Fury interrupts.  That’s how Steve finds himself fighting alongside Howard’s son, a god, a big, green rage monster, an archer, and a woman that he doesn’t trust as far as he could pick her up and throw her.  Howard’s son hates him, for reasons that Steve doesn’t understand, and the others just seem indifferent to him.

By the time the fight is coming to a head, the Avengers have been formed, but they lose Coulson in the battle. Steve had found a friend in the chaos of this future and lost him within days.  He starts to think that maybe he’s cursed and doomed to lose people that matter.  He’ll think about that later, after they have defeated the aliens attacking.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve sees Jacob for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going ahead and putting another chapter up today because if you're reading this and stuck with it, you deserve to have their first meeting.

The battle isn’t going well and Steve, along with the rest of the Avengers, is exhausted, but there isn’t time to stop and think. He keeps pushing forward and because he keeps pushing, the rest of them keep going too.  He knows that certain members are just human with special skill sets, but even they keep pushing.  It gives him hope that maybe these people can be a team.  They’ll never mean to him what the Commandos meant and no one and nothing could ever mean as much as Bucky, but maybe.

He’s just cleared a building and gotten the people into the underground when he hears the whine of one of those flying platform scooter things overhead. The future is weird.  He hears the pulse of the alien weapon and the ripping, crunch of metal.  Looking down the block, he sees the target of the pulse, a car. It’s been pushed into a building and a person, between the car and building, throw themselves to the ground.  Running for the civilian, Steve pulls the car away from the building.  Throwing his shield, it cuts the front from the flying whatever and it crashes, bursting into flames.  The man, he can see now that the car is out of the way, is crouching down huddled into the side of the building and the building has taken the brunt of the cars impact.  Reaching out, Steve pulls the man to a standing position.

When the man turns, everything around Steve disappears for more than a few seconds. The whine of the vehicles flying by, the sound of buildings crumbling, the screams from other civilians all fade into a vacuum of nothing.  The man is shaking, looking panicked and lost.  “Wh—what are th-those th-things?”

Steve is frozen, staring into the blue, grey eyes of his best friend. “Bucky?”

The guy seems stunned. “Who the hell is Bucky?”  Although there’s a flicker of something in his face, it disappears quickly.

A blast just above them brings Steve out of his daze. Going on instinct he pulls the guy against him and covers them both with the shield.  The debris hits the shield and falls away, impacting with the ground.  He knows he has to go back into the fight, but more than anything he wants to sweep this man into his arms and protect him above everything else.  “Who are you?”

The guy furrows his brow in confusion. “Jacob, Jacob Weaver.”

“Get into the nearest subway station and stay there.” Steve turns to leave, but stops himself, turning back.  “Please get to the subway and please don’t get hurt.  I can’t lose you again.”

Jacob seems even more confused, but heads down the street to the station. Steve watches him for a few seconds, then hears Stark in his ear.  “Come on Cap, we got a war to win.  You can talk to your boyfriend later.”  Iron Man speeds overhead and Steve follows on foot.

There’s another voice on the com. “Cap has a boyfriend?  Why am I just hearing about this?”

Steve shakes himself out of whatever just happened and takes down numerous aliens that are headed in the same direction as Jacob. He’ll be damned if he’s going to let those things get to that man.  “I don’t have a boyfriend.  I just met the guy.”

Natasha’s voice holds a little amusement. “You do know it’s okay now though, right?”

He ignores her comment and enters into hand to hand with one of the alien soldiers. God the future is weird, but somehow it’s not as bad as it was a week ago.  While he fights, he thinks of Jacob and protecting him, fighting for truth and justice and the greater good goes out the window.  He’s fighting for blue, grey eyes and wavy brown hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where postings will start to slow down. I have many more chapters done, but the editing is taking more time and I'm needing to insert chapters in between. I started to think that I need to insert chapters explaining what Jacob is going through.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens to Jacob after the Battle of New York.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized after writing about 20 chapters, that I didn't have anything from Jacob's side of the story. I went back and wrote a few chapters to fill in how his life got turned upside down after being saved by Steve.

Four days after the aliens are defeated by the Avengers, Jacob walks into his therapist’s office. He’s been in therapy since college.  It seems the older he gets, the more the dreams come and since the invasion, they’ve been nonstop.  Three solid nights of Steve, his Steve, nothing dramatic, just conversations about life and love. 

His therapist knows about the dreams, she’s been really good about making him understand that the subconscious is a weird and wonderful place and usually only expresses itself in dreams. These though, the recent ones are…they’re just more.  He can feel the love in himself grow, he’s always known that he was connected to Steve, but the desire to tell him has gotten out of control.  How do you tell your imaginary friend you’re in love with him?  How would that even work?  Is it possible to control the dreams and be part of them, instead of observing through someone else's eyes?  He’s so damn tired.

Janine welcomes him and he sits, like he normally does, across from her desk. “I’ve had a lot of patients coming in for the last couple of days.  I’m sure, like the others, you’re suffering from mild PTSD.”

Jacob doesn’t look up and wishes to hell that’s why he was here. The tears come and he’s helpless to stop them.  “That’s not why I’m here.”  It’s nothing more than a choked off whisper causing Janine comes around her desk, sitting next to him.

“The dreams?” He just nods.  “I’m going to get you some coffee and we’re going to talk this through.”  He nods again and she gets up and goes to the outer office.

Half of the cup is gone and Jacob has himself pulled together, as best as he can, and looks up. Janine has been cataloguing everything that’s crossed his face.  She’s known this kid for years, been his therapist for six and never seen him quite like this.  Something has happened, but she has to wait until he’s ready to talk about it.  “I got caught in the attack.”  She’s watching his face as he’s talking.  “One of those alien, bug things threw a car into me.”  She reaches over, covering his hand with her own.  “Captain America saved me, but when he looked at me…”  His words fade into nothingness.

“Jacob, what happened?” He’s still staring off into space, but when she squeezes his hand, he snaps back.

“He called me Bucky.” Her forehead crinkles in barely contained horror.  “I’ve never told anyone, but you and Oli about that.  How did he know?”

Janine starts doing a mental search through everything she knows about Captain America, getting up she paces the room, one hand on her hip, the other on her forehead. “Tell me about the dreams again. Tell me specifically about Steve.”

Jacob sits the coffee cup down, turning in his chair to face her. “He’s a little guy, not much taller than Oli, so about 5’6” or so, he’s an artist, but gets into fights all the damn time.”  The more he talks, the more relaxed he becomes.  Janine watches how his attitude changes when he talks about Steve.  “In the dreams, he calls me Bucky, but I know it’s…me…you know what I mean?”  She nods and then indicates for him to continue talking.  “He picked a fight once with this big guy in a movie theatre, guy beat the hell out of him, then I kicked the big guys ass for hitting Steve.”  He drifts off, lost in the memory.

Janine starts to put two and two together and keeps coming up with five. If this is what she thinks it is, she’s going to be laughed out of _her_ therapist’s office and Jacob could end up in an institution.  Going to her desk, she stops the recording on her phone and deletes it.  Leaning over the desk, bracing herself on the polished wood, she takes a deep breath.  “Jacob, I think I can help you, but I need you to do me a favor.”  He looks at her almost dazed and nods.  “I need to do some research about this.  I know you are having a hard time right now and I want to help you immediately, but I don’t think I’m equipped for it until I research.  You still keep a journal, right?”  He nods, but seems apprehensive.  “I want you to start using the recording app on your phone.  I want you to record every dream, every memory, every detail you can remember or that comes to you.  Can you do that?”

“Janine, I don’t…” She holds up her hand to stop him.

“Make sure you don’t leave your phone anywhere that someone else can get to it and I need you to put your journals someplace safe, someplace that no one will think to look.” She pushes off the desk.  “Jacob, if this is what I think it is, it’s going to answer all of your questions and then some.”  She goes back and sits next to him, taking his hand.  “Can you trust me?  Can you please give me a couple of days?”

For as long as he’s known Janine, he’s never seen her like this: part confused, part freaked out, part excited. “Yeah, you know I trust you.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been editing all day. The timeline of this story doesn't match up with the MCU. Hopefully, if you're reading this, you'll forgive me.

It’s been nonstop for the last week, doing clean up all over the city, coming home exhausted and dirty day after day, Steve finally lets himself think about Jacob. He’s starting to think that he imagined the face.  Maybe the guy has the same coloring as Bucky, but he can’t have been that much of a look alike.  After a shower, he lays in bed, trying to focus on just going to sleep because he really does need to sleep for a week, but he can’t and he knows why.  “JARVIS, can you find anyone?”

“I can indeed, sir.”

“Can you find a Jacob Weaver?” Steve’s fingers tap lightly against his stomach.

“Jacob Canon Weaver, born March 10, 1988 to Melinda and Marcus Weaver of Clinton Hill. A graduate of New York University with a Bachelor’s Degree in Computer Engineering and a minor in psychology, Mr. Weaver works for...”

There’s more and Steve wants to hear it, but he interrupts. “Can you tell me where he lives?”

“Of course, sir.”

The address is rambled off and Steve asks JARVIS to tell him more about Jacob. JARVIS continues speaking about family, friends and interests, compiled from social media, until Steve falls into a deep sleep.

“Sleep well, Captain.”

The following week sees Steve and the other Avengers helping with more clean up in New York. Steve doesn’t tell anyone, but he had JARVIS find a picture from Jacob’s social media and put it as the background on his phone.  When he starts feeling overwhelmed and confused, he pulls out his phone and looks at the picture.  Does he know that it’s creepy?  Yes, he is well aware of the level of creepiness, but he needs an anchor in this strange world and Jacob, unbeknownst to the other man, is that anchor.

Natasha keeps trying to get a look at whatever is on the phone, but Steve’s better at stealth than he lets on. She asks JARVIS about it, but the AI won’t reveal what he knows to anyone.  This all frustrates her greatly.

Numerous times he tries to get up the courage to find Jacob and properly introduce himself, but for the first time in his long life, Steve chickens out. He’s gone by the building Jacob lives in, he’s been by the restaurant owned by Jacob’s parents, but just when he convinces himself to make a move, he turns and leaves.  Only once did he catch sight of the man and his knees nearly gave out.

After the third week, Steve and Natasha report to Washington where Fury suggests that Steve move, to be closer to SHIELD. He struggles with this decision because Brooklyn is where Jacob is and that’s where Steve really wants to be.  He sees the good logistics of being in Washington, being closer to headquarters, but debates back and forth on the matter.  He’s not a fan of SHIELD, or Fury, or Natasha for that matter, but he relents and makes the move to Washington. 

He’s also aware that he’s being watched more now, than before. It’s one of the reasons he’s kept meeting Jacob on the back burner.  He doesn’t want _them_ knowing about his personal life.  He doesn’t want something so personal being on their radar.  He doesn’t want Jacob to have anything to do with this life he has to live and the persona he has to maintain.  Jacob is his beacon, his lighthouse in the growing storm of this strange world.

The woman across the hall from Steve, Kate, is SHIELD. Steve could smell it on her.  He tells Nat and the spy laughs at his description.  “Just let them have this for a little while.  You’re new to all this and they worry.”

“Are they worried about my well-being or just worried their asset will run away?” She gives him a concerned expression at that comment.  Something about the current make up of SHIELD bothers Steve, but he can’t put his finger on what it is.  He voices this to Natasha and her manner is enough to tell him that he’s on to something.

After being in Washington for a few weeks, Steve finally goes to the Smithsonian to see the Commandos exhibit. Walking into the museum feels overwhelming.  Now that Steve is out of the ice and carrying the shield again, the exhibit is more popular than it has been in the past.  He wears a ball cap and glasses, pulling the collar up on the jacket he’s wearing.  The only person that recognizes him is a little boy about 8, wearing a tee shirt with the shield on it.  Steve smiles and holds his finger to his lips.  The boy nods and stares at Steve awestruck.

Steve gets a ticket to the documentary and makes his way into the darkened theatre. He sits in the barely illuminated room, near the back, watching the film taken of the Commandos.  It makes him happy, but there’s melancholy, too.  That’s when he hears it, coming from a few rows down.  “Oli, do you see what I’m seeing?  He called me Bucky and now I know why.  Oli, what the fuck is going on?  Who am I?”

A female voice answers. “Jay, I don’t know, but you’ve been having these dreams your whole life.”

Steve stands and goes down to their row. He gets right to them before they realize he’s there.  “Can I sit?”

They look up and Steve immediately sees the family resemblance. The girl, the one that Jacob called Oli, looks up shocked, but nods.  “Uh…sure.”

Steve sits next to Jacob with his body turned to see the young man better. “Listen, I’m sorry about that day, it’s just…”  He indicates the screen where Bucky is laughing at something stupid Steve had said.  “You can see why I was so shocked.”

“This is all too weird. I mean I remember learning about you in school, but the Commandos were always kind of lumped together and not really talked about the way they should have been.  How did I not see this before?  How is this even possible?  I don’t understand and it’s freaking me out…”  He’d go on rambling, except Steve puts his hand on Jacob’s arm and the words come to an abrupt stop.

“It’s alright, Jacob. I don’t know how this is possible and I’m sorry for any part in your ‘freaking out’ that I contributed to.”  He smiles softly and Jacob can’t help the matching one on his face.

“You could always be so polite when you weren’t being a pain in my ass.” Steve’s taken aback because it isn’t said like someone that just met him, but with deep, familiar affection.  Jacob’s hand flies to his mouth, covering it like he’s cursed in church.

Steve squints at him, trying to assess the situation. “Why did you say that?”

Jacob is shaking his head with eyes tightly shut. Oli leans over him.  “Come on Jay, what’s going on?”

Jacob finally looks up at Steve. “I don’t know why I said it, it just seemed true, like I know it.”

Then there’s something in Jacob’s eyes, a flicker of something Steve can’t quite name, it’s the same thing he saw that day on the street after saving Jacob. “Bucky?”

The flicker is gone and Jacob stands, pulling Oli with him. “I’m not Bucky!  Don’t you get it, I can’t be him.  I’m not him!”  He storms out of the small theater and Steve is left wondering what the hell just happened.  By the time his body catches up with his brain, Steve runs for the door, but Jacob and Oli are gone, lost in the crowd.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Olivia start to work together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the end of this chapter, there's a scene with Tony. I'm trying to stay true to the characters, but there's some dialogue that has Tony going a little out of character because I want him to be a supporter in all of this. Before you scream at me that Tony would never do that, just remember I did warn you. Also, I do like Nick Fury, but he lives the job and I don't think Steve can be like that.

Steve finally decides that he needs to know things that JARVIS can’t tell him, but after Jacob’s reaction, he doesn’t contact him directly, he contacts the man’s sister. Getting her number from JARVIS, Steve types out a quick message.  After what happened in the theatre, he doesn’t want to ‘freak’ Jacob out again.  Whatever this is, it has to be handled delicately and even though Steve wants to do what he always does, which is charge in half cocked, he doesn’t, not this time.  Olivia responds to his text almost immediately.  Her protective nature is apparent. 

Olivia: I don’t know what I can tell you without betraying my brother.

Steve: I don’t want you to tell me anything that he wouldn’t want shared, but you said something in the theatre that day that I want to understand.

Olivia: What did I say?

Steve: You said that he’d been having these dreams his whole life.

There’s a lengthy pause before the typing bubble comes up.

Olivia: Fuck…Sharing what I meant would be crossing a line.  I can’t Steve.  I just can’t do that to him.

Steve: I understand. Can you just let me know if he wants to talk?

Steve pockets his phone and heads to the meeting he has at SHIELD. Just after moving to Washington, he met Alexander Pierce and something about the man makes the hair on the back of Steve’s neck stand up.  He hasn’t had that reaction to someone since Schmitt.  He doesn’t trust him, but doesn’t know if it’s a real threat or if it’s just the man being a politician.  When he arrives at SHIELD Natasha is waiting for him in the lobby.

“You want to tell me what you did to piss off Pierce?” She’s smirking, so Steve knows she doesn’t really care that the man is pissed.

“I told him that I wouldn’t go on a mission he wanted me to take.” Natasha looks surprised, but somehow pleased.  “He doesn’t like being told no and I have a problem with someone sending me on a mission that doesn’t have enough intel.”

“Damn Rogers, I thought you were just a yes man. Didn’t know you had a backbone.”  It’s insulting as well as offensive and Steve feels it all.

Steve slumps against the lift wall. “Then maybe you should stop acting like you know everything about me, Romanov.”

Before she can respond, the lift doors open and they are faced with a pissed off Fury. Although, Steve isn’t really sure if he’s pissed off because the man always looks that way.  The flip side of that coin is that Steve doesn’t really care if Fury is pissed or not.

“What the hell, Rogers?” Fury is holding a file and Steve is willing to bet it’s the mission he refused.

“That’s Captain Rogers to you.” Normally Steve would be respectful to someone that’s in a position of authority, but he also knows that he’s being followed 24/7, living across the hall is a SHIELD agent and Fury put her there.  He also reminds himself that he’s decades older than this man.

“You want to tell me why you thought you had the right to tell Secretary Pierce no on this mission?” Fury doesn’t let Steve’s disrespect faze him.

Steve stops in the corridor and Natasha sees the look that she’s only seen during the Battle of New York when the military launched the missile that would have destroyed the city. Steve turns, with hands on his hips and a look that says ‘don’t fuck with me.’  “I’m not going to take a mission that will have casualties, civilian casualties, with the lack of information in that file.  If someone wants to get more intel and I deem it adequate, then I might take the mission.  You don’t like it, Pierce doesn’t like it, I don’t really care because I’m not your asset.”

“You’re a soldier that’s supposed to follow orders.” Fury is pushing.

“If you think I’m going to follow orders blindly, then you really don’t know a damn thing about me.” Steve walks off towards the conference room.  “You don’t like it, find someone else to carry the shield.”  Turning back just before entering the room.  “Good luck with that.  Things kinda a pain in the ass.”

The briefing ends and Steve leaves with his phone in his hand. Olivia has been texting nearly the whole time.  Fury tries to cut him off as he exits the room.  Steve doesn’t even lift his head as he sidesteps around the man.  “Where are you going, Rogers?”

Not looking up, Steve heads to the lift. “Why don’t you ask one of the agents you have watching me?  I’m sure they can tell you.”  Boarding the lift, he starts reading the messages. 

Steve would be concerned that SHIELD might hack his phone, but Stark had made sure that wasn’t possible. He took Steve’s SHIELD phone and put it in the garbage disposal and gave him a Stark Phone, assuring the super soldier that it couldn’t be hacked.  To test it, Stark had Natasha try to hack in, but she wasn’t able to get around Stark’s firewalls.  The man is a genius and Steve never appreciated it more. 

Olivia’s texts don’t tell Steve anything he didn’t already know, so he goes home, changes and heads out for a run. He watches the black SUV follow behind.  He knows that his neighbor will go into his apartment when he’s out, so he never leaves his phone behind.  Stark had told him that they could clone his number, but if the phone was cloned, the interface would automatically wipe both phones.  When the wipe happened, Steve would see the interface blink at him.  He knows it’s happened at least twice and each time Steve grins because he knows how frustrated the agents are getting.  Stark may not like Steve, but he protects him anyway. 

He meets Sam at the reflecting pond and they run in companionable silence. He’s not sure if Sam is a plant or not, but he suspects not, having stumbled into the VA by accident.

Halfway through the run, his phone goes off with a message. He stops long enough to check and finds it’s from Stark.

Stark: We need to talk.  I’m sending a jet for you.  ETA 3 minutes.

Steve looks up. Sam cocks his head to the side.  “Something going on?”

“Yeah, I gotta go to New York.” Steve checks the sky and can see the jet in the distance.

“Something Avenger related?”

“I don’t know. Stark wants to see me.  Not sure if that’s a good thing or not.”  Sam chuckles and looks up in the direction of the jet.

“I guess I’ll see you when you get back.” Steve nods and the jet hovers over the pond when the ramp lowers.

“Yeah, see ya, Sam.” Boarding the jet, Steve takes a seat next to Barton.  “What’s this all about?”

Barton doesn’t lift his head. “Don’t really know.  Stark just said he needed to see you immediately.”

Steve sits back, grabs a bottle of water and relaxes. The flight doesn’t take long.  It lands on the roof of Stark Tower and Steve finds Stark waiting for him.  “You have a problem.”

“You mean we have a problem.” Steve’s always confused by Stark’s abruptness.  He never has a hello or goodbye, just jumps right into whatever the issue is.

“No, _you_ have a problem. SHIELD is trying to break all the firewalls I’ve put up.  They’ve got a whole team on it.  If not for JARVIS, they would have gotten in by now.  Whatever you’re doing on your phone, they want in and they want in bad.”

Steve appreciates that he doesn’t ask what’s so important. He pulls his phone out.  “Wipe it, permanently.”  He hands it over.  Stark sees the picture on the screen.  Somehow, Steve knows he’s not going to tell anyone.

“You sure?” They are standing in the common room and Stark seems really unsure, which isn’t normal.

“Wipe it and make sure anything that was on it can’t be pulled out of some cyberspace graveyard.” Stark gives a small quirk of the lip.

“J, do what you do.”

“Of course, sir.”

Not only does the phone blink over and over, but then it starts to smoke. “All taken care of.”  Stark looks at Steve.  “Are you sure you were okay with that?  Whatever you’ve been doing on that phone really has them antsy.”

“What I had on that phone was personal and has nothing to do with SHIELD or the Avengers.” Steve stares out the window and Stark goes to the bar.

“You want something, Cap?” He’s pouring a scotch, so Steve nods and Stark brings him a glass.  They stand in silence for several minutes.  “You wanna talk about it?”

Steve’s tired. He’s so damn tired and all he really wants is to sit down with Jacob and know everything he can about the man.  He knows it’s not Bucky, but something inside keeps pulling him.  “I don’t want to say anything that’s going to leave this room.”

Stark walks over to the sofa and sits. “J, secure the room.”  Suddenly, the windows go dark and Steve feels a slight crackle under his skin.

“The room is secure, sirs.”

Steve turns, watching Stark, who isn’t moving. “What is that?”

“The pentagon itself couldn’t get in this room now.”   Stark indicates the chair opposite him.  “Take a load off Cap and tell me what’s going on.”

Steve sits, but instead of saying anything to Tony, he talks to JARVIS. “JARVIS can you bring up the files on Jacob Weaver?”

“Files are on the tablet.” Tony picks up his tablet off the table and starts scrolling through the information.

“Can you bring up a picture of Jacob and the Commandos for comparison?” Steve waits the blink of an eye.

“Pictures on screen.” JARVIS has put the photo of Jacob and the one of the commandos side by side.  Stark is looking through the file on Jacob and reading through the information.

“Interesting kid, what’s so important about him?” He looks up at Steve and Steve points at the picture.  Stark gets up, getting close to the photos.  He looks between one and the other.  “J, blow up this section of the second photo.”  He touches the screen and JARVIS zooms in.  “What the hell?”

Steve covers his face with his hands. “Yeah, he’s the one that I pulled from the car when the aliens attacked.”

“That’s why you froze for a minute.” Stark looks back at Steve.  Steve nods silently.  “So, this kid looks, not just a little like, but exactly like your best friend, who died in ’45.”

Steve leans back, throwing his head back to rest against the headrest. “Not just best friend, at least not to me.  We were kids when I figured out that I was in love with him.  Never told him, never thought he’d want to know that part of me.”  Steve just stares at the ceiling.  He doesn’t know how Stark will react to that piece of information, but saying it out loud lifts a weight from his shoulders.  A weight he’s very aware he’s been carrying too long.

“You’re gay?” Stark doesn’t sound surprised or upset, just curious.

“Yeah, I guess that’s the term now. Better than what they used to call us.”  Stark comes over, sitting in the other armchair, turned toward Steve. 

“Anybody else know?” Steve shakes his head.  “Did my dad know?”  Steve shakes his head again.  “You trust me?”

Steve doesn’t lift his head, but turns it to look at Stark. “I gotta trust someone.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Steve have The Talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so previous chapter I told you that Tony was slightly out of character, this one continues that. I've also taken some liberties with Asgard here and a belief that they don't really have...call it poetic license.

Steve stays at Avenger Tower. During that time, SHIELD agents have requested access to Steve.  Tony has denied them access to the tower.  Stark has also started digging into files that he probably shouldn’t, but that’s never stopped him before.  He starts digging into the files on James Barnes and what he starts to find is upsetting, but he’s sure it will ruin Steve, he keeps digging.

Then he starts digging into Jacob and what he expects to find is a family connection to Barnes, but it isn’t there. They aren’t related in any way, which doesn’t make sense to Stark.  He has Bruce go through everything and JARVIS triple checks. 

He and Thor get into a yelling match that JARVIS has to bring to a close. When asked about doppelgangers on Asgard, Thor roars a hearty laugh and informs Stark that it only happens in one very specific instance.  When he reveals what that is, Tony loses his mind and temper.

“You’re talking about something that has no basis in science!” Tony storms around the lab.

Thor just grins. “If you could open your mind just a little, Stark, you might find that science comes in many forms.”

Tony waves him off. “My mind is open just fine, Point Break.”

“If it were, you would not be questioning me on a simple ideal of my people.” Thor starts for the door.

“Where do you think you’re going? I’m not done with you.”  Thor doesn’t stop and Tony starts after him.  That’s when JARVIS chimes in and calms the man down.

After two weeks of digging and organizing, he takes everything he has and heads to the floor he put Steve on. Steve had been sent on one recon mission with Nat, but immediately returned to the Tower.  It’s making Tony a little smug than he already is that Cap trusts him and not Fury.  And being able to tell the SHIELD agents to go blow themselves was just fun.

The lift door opens and he finds Steve sitting near the window with a book in his lap. On closer inspection, it isn’t a book, but a sketch pad.  He vaguely remembered hearing or reading that Steve Rogers was an artist, but was unaware that the man still drew.  Coming nearer, he can see that the face staring back from the pad is James Barnes or maybe Jacob Weaver, he isn’t sure anymore.  “Cap?”

Steve looks up, worry lines furrowing his brow. “Tony?”

It’s the first time that Steve has called him Tony and it sticks something inside the billionaire like a balloon and the anxiety, dread, annoyance, anger, all the things that his dad had instilled in him, deflated. The guy sitting in the chair isn’t the monster that Tony has built up in his mind.  He isn’t the guy that Tony has been compared to his whole life.  This guy is Tony’s friend.  And that’s a kick in the ass for Tony because it is so surprising to not only think it, but to feel it too.

“We have to talk about some things.” Steve puts the pad aside, but doesn’t bother closing it.  Tony’s already see it, so he doesn’t feel the need to hide.

“The last time you said that, I lost a perfectly good phone.” Tony barks a laugh and Steve grins.

Tony doesn’t want to be the one to wipe that grin away, but he doesn’t have a choice. He sits in the opposite chair and holds out the computer to Steve.  “This isn’t going to be pleasant for either of us, but you gotta know what I’ve been doing.”  Steve takes the pad and starts looking.  Tony set it up so the information about Jacob is first.  “Jacob Canon Weaver is not, in any way, related to the Barnes family.  There’s no connection.  So, the likeness isn’t because of that.”  Tony needs to move and gets up to pace.  “I thought if there was a family connection then it would explain everything, but there isn’t, so there isn’t a scientific explanation.”

Steve looks up confused. “How is that possible?”

Tony sits, then gets back up and paces again. “It’s not.”  He drags his hands down his face in frustration.  “Look Steve, I’m not really that kind of scientist, but it’s not possible without genetics involved.”

Steve looks back at the computer. “Then…I…”

Tony holds up his hands. “Don’t…just don’t.”  Steve looks back up lost.  “What I’m saying is the universe is playing at something here and I don’t like it.  Scientifically, I would say that someone got their hands on some DNA of James Barnes and made this guy, but that isn’t possible either.  I checked.”  He taps something on the screen and a medical report comes up.  “That’s Melinda’s medical chart.  Jacob was conceived naturally and is the genetic child of Melinda and Marcus Weaver.  And don’t ask how I got my hands on genetic material.”  He throws his hands up.  “I even had Bruce check everything too and he assures me that Jacob is his parents’ biological child.”

“How is this possible?” Steve knows he’s repeating himself, but he’s got nothing else.  Tony is shaking his head.

“It’s not. Like I said Steve, this isn’t grounded in science.”  Steve leans his head back against the chair.  Tony has come to learn this is Steve’s way of processing something that doesn’t make sense or if he’s struggling with anxiety.  Tony suspects that both are true right now.  “There’s another possibility, but it’s insane and I refuse to believe it.”

Steve perks up. “Do I want to know?”

“No, you really don’t want me saying it out loud.” Steve looks expectantly.  “But you’re going to make me anyway aren’t you?”  Steve raises his eyebrows in challenge.  “Fine!”  Tony leans against the windows hands stuffed in his pockets.  “Reincarnation.”

Steve barks out a laugh in disbelief. “Wait! What?”

Tony sits back down and chuckles because what else can he do at this point. “When Bruce and I couldn’t find a good explanation for any of this, I asked Thor if anything like this ever happens on Asgard.”  Steve sits back and glares at Tony.  “I didn’t say anything about this specific situation, I just asked what Asgard’s ideas on this kind of thing might be. I mean, until all this alien shit hit the fan, I didn’t really believe in aliens or magic.  So, I figured, what the hell, ask the God of Thunder.  And now I wish I hadn’t because he’s convinced it’s reincarnation.”  Steve barks out another laugh.

Tony looks at him with an un-amused smile. “That was my reaction too, but he made a strong case for it.  He told me that a few things had to be in place for reincarnation to happen.  It’s an accepted part of his culture, so I figured, what the hell, ask the stupid question and see what happens.”  Tony leans back matching Steve’s pose.  “He told me that for reincarnation to happen, four conditions have to be met: the person that dies has to be loved unconditionally, they have to have an unfinished agenda, they have to love unconditionally and the rebirth has to happen within six months of the death.”  He looks at Steve meaningfully.

“So, if we believe this insane idea, Bucky met two of the criteria.” Tony looks at him painfully.

“Steve, you’re making this really hard for me.” Steve starts to stand.  “Please don’t.  I have to tell you something else and I need you sitting because if you’re standing I don’t know if I will be able to catch you.”  Steve sits back down wearily.  “I did other digging.  Digging that would get me in a lot of trouble if anyone found out.  I broke into about three different government agencies here and about twelve different ones in other countries, but the more I dug the weirder it all got.”

“Tony, what did you find?”

“I found…jesus…” He gets up; shoulders slumped and nearly chokes out a sob.  “I found out that James Barnes didn’t die in 1945.”

The quiet whimper that comes out of Steve is the sound of a heart breaking. “Tony?”  He seems so small now.  Not big and powerful and for a split second Tony can see the little guy from Brooklyn.

Tony pulls the chair over in front of Steve, puts the computer on the floor and rests his elbows on his knees. “I want you to listen carefully to what I’m about to tell you.  I want you to know that none of this is your fault.  I want you to know that I’m here and will be here as long as you need me to be your friend through this.”  Tony sighs.  “James Barnes meets all four criteria because he loved you too.”

“Yo…you c-can’t know th-that.”

“Yeah, I can. If Thor is right and this is part of the grand scheme of this universe, then you have a second chance.”  Tony looks down at the floor.

“Tell me what to do.”

“You have to know everything and it isn’t going to be easy to hear.” Steve just nods with that determined looks he gets.  “In 1945, James Barnes went off the side of that train, but he didn’t die.  Hydra took him and remade him into the Winter Soldier.  The Winter Soldier has been a ghost story that spies told each other for decades.”  Steve gets that hundred yard stare, but Tony knows he’s listening.  “They used a series of injections, cryogenics and electro shock therapy to wipe out everything that was James and replace it with the Soldier.”  Steve grips the arms of the chair, his shoulders have pulled in and tears are tracking down his cheeks.  “I’m going to say it again, this isn’t your fault.  He fell hundreds of feet, if not thousands.  There was no way anyone could have survived that.  You know it in your gut that I’m right.”  Steve nods, so Tony goes on.  “But according to what I found, he kept talking about you.  For whatever reason, but I think we know why, he couldn’t forget you.  Every time he was out of storage too long, he’d mumble about a blond man, a man he couldn’t leave behind.”  Steve pulls his hands back and covers his face.  He’s trying to keep it in, but the sobs won’t stop.  “He loved you or he wouldn’t have kept talking about you.  Each time, they’d put him in a chair and shock the memories away.”  Steve shudders.  “In 1987 the Winter Soldier completed his last mission and according to the files something went wrong with the wipe and he died.  That was October 12, 1987.  Jacob was born in 1988, in March.”  Tony can’t even believe he’s starting to believe this.  “That’s five months Steve.  James met all four criteria for rebirth.”

It takes several minutes, but Steve pulls himself together. “You’re telling me that Jacob is Bucky?”

“I’ll never admit this to anyone but you, I don’t think there’s another explanation. The problem is, according to Thor, the old memories fight the new ones and can sometimes drive the person bonkers.  He has to accept himself or it could go really bad really fast.”  Tony feels like he did the morning he presented his thesis and had spent the two previous days drinking heavily, having sex with anything that moved and not sleeping.  Steve doesn’t look much better.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob's side.

Breathing, steady and even, is the only sound coming from the sofa. Hours later, irregular and ragged, the form on the sofa shifts, sweating and clutching at the blanket.  Jacob sits upright, grasping for something solid and gasping for air.  Oli comes into the room at a near run.  Jacob’s been sleeping here for several weeks, since the museum.  Being alone in his own apartment makes him uneasy.  When he tries to explain it to his sister, all he can say is someone is missing.

He knows that he’s got to get up and find his meds. The headache didn’t go away like he had hoped.  She sits on the arm of the sofa and drags her fingers through his hair.  When the headaches weren’t this bad, it felt good, but he grabs her wrist to stop the motion.  “Sorry, I didn’t know it was a bad one.”

He squints at the light coming through the window. “Yeah, I need my pills.”  She goes to the kitchen, picking up the bottle and getting a glass of water.

“Have you talked to Janine about this?” Oli’s the only one that knows he’s still seeing a therapist.  After the short time Jacob went to one as a kid, when their parents thought his ‘imaginary’ friend was gone, he never told them he started going again, at the beginning of his freshman year of college.

“Yeah, I have.” He pops the pill in his mouth, gulping down the water.  “She’s the one that gave me the prescription.”  Oli frowns.  “Okay, she had a friend write the prescription.”

“Jay, this is getting worse. Did she say when she’d have some answer?”

He shakes his head. “We had another session, but she said she didn’t have enough information yet.  Just to keep recording the dreams.”

She gets up, retrieves his phone from the charger. “I think you should do that while it’s still fresh.”  She puts on her coat and gets her keys.  “I’m headed to get food.  Anything you don’t want?”  He shakes his head.

Bringing up the app, Jacob remembers what Janine told him. Record like Steve’s sitting in front of him.  Their last session had been weird and when she’d made that suggestion, he thought she was crazy, but surprisingly, it wasn’t as hard as he thought.

Pressing record, he starts. “Steve, I don’t know how much longer I can take this.  The headaches are getting worse and most days it feels like I’m two different people.  I just woke up from a dream, but at least this time I wasn’t screaming.  You were sick again, Stevie.  I was watching you breathe and it was so shallow, I wasn’t sure it was actually happening.  The nuns came from the church with food and that’s when I knew that they all thought you were going to die.  I cried all night.  I begged you to wake up.”  He pauses because he feels the grief all the way down into his soul.  Pressing record again, he doesn’t try to hide the tears.  “In all the years that I’ve been sharing my life with you, I’ve never been able to see your face clearly.  It’s always been just slightly out of focus.  Until today.  You looked like death had already taken you and…”  He sobs, clenching the phone.  “god Stevie, even like that you are so damn beautiful.  I’m losing my mind here, Steve.  I don’t know how much longer I can take this.”  The pain sears through him, crying out, he clutches the side of his head.  The edges of Jacob’s vision start to go black with only a pin prick of light remains, then that’s gone too.

Olivia finds him half an hour later, unconscious on the couch.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love Sam Wilson and his belief in Steve. I had to bring him into this. Jacob is leaving for his own sanity, but Steve gets to talk briefly with him before he goes.

All of this information stays between Steve and Tony. Making frequent journeys back and forth between Washington and New York proves too much for Steve and he walks away from Washington, much to the disapproval of SHIELD, and returns to New York and Stark Tower.  He still keeps in contact with Sam and occasionally Sam will come up to New York, but Steve needs to be near Jacob, even if he isn’t able to see him, yet.  Olivia is keeping his current whereabouts to herself, simply saying that Jacob isn’t in a place, emotionally, to see Steve.

Things start to change when a text from an unknown number comes to his phone early on a Wednesday morning.

Unknown: He’s been having more dreams and is leaving for awhile.

Steve: Olivia?

Olivia: Yeah sorry, I got a new phone after my last one broke.

Steve: What do you mean he’s leaving?

Olivia: The dreams have gotten more intense and he thinks getting away and helping people will help him.

Steve: Where is he going?

Olivia: Wherever the Peace Corp sends him.

Steve: What are the dreams about?

Olivia: You.

Shit, shit, shit is all that Steve can think. So, at the very least, Olivia is starting to put two and two together.  He’s been so good about leaving Jacob alone, but if the man is leaving and his sister knows, Steve needs to see him.

Steve: I want to see him before he goes.

There isn’t a response for awhile and Steve gets worried that she’s not going to talk to him again. He gets up for coffee and just as he’s pouring, his phone goes off.

Olivia: Meet us in the park in 30.

She sends a screen shot of a location and Steve throws clothes on and is out the door before he’s completely awake. The black SUV, that’s been his constant tail, starts up and moves into traffic.  Steve throws a wrench into their plan when he doesn’t take his bike, but walks instead.  It means they have to keep circling back around so as not to lose him, but also not cause a traffic pile up by going too slow.  It’s just about time that Steve does something about these babysitters that Fury insists on saddling him with.  He makes the left into the park and checks his phone again for the location.  He hears the doors of the vehicle close and knows the agents are following him into the park.

He sees Olivia and Jacob on a bench in a heated discussion. Not wanting to intrude, he hangs back.  She sees him and waves him over.  He comes to the bench hesitantly.  Approaching a wild animal would be easier than approaching Jacob.  All Steve can think when Jacob turns to him is how beautiful he is.  “Hi.”  Olivia slides down the bench, pulling Jacob with her, giving Steve room to sit.  Jacob looks pained and puts his hand to his head.  “Hey, are you okay?”

Jacob pulls away when Steve tries to touch his arm. “Yeah, yeah, just a headache.  Seem to get them all the time now.”  Steve remembers Thor’s warning about fighting the memories of the previous life.

Steve looks over at the entrance to the park and sees the two agents watching. One of them is talking into an earpiece.  “I’m sorry.  I feel like I have something to do with that and I never meant to make you hurt.”

Jacob sighs. “It isn’t your fault my brain it so fucked up.”

Olivia looks upset by this. “Your brain isn’t fucked up, Jay.”

“Oli, I have someone else’s life running through my head. How is that not fucked up?”

Before Steve can stop himself, he blurts, “Maybe it isn’t someone else’s life.”

Olivia closes her eyes in exasperation. “Goddamnit Steve, don’t put anything else on him.”

Steve turns away from Jacob and faces out into the park. He closes his eyes and focuses on the voice of the agent.  He’s telling someone where Steve is and what he’s doing.  They are talking of running facial recognition on the two people with him. 

Steve gets up. He’s had enough.  “I’ll be right back.”  He closes in on the two agents and has one of them on the ground and the other hovering above the ground with a handful of the guy’s shirt.  “Can they hear me?”  The agent nods.  “Okay, listen up Fury.  You will call off your dogs, you will not run facial recognition on my friends and you will get your agents the hell out of my life.  If you don’t do all of these things in the next 15 minutes, I will turn the shield in and you will never see me again.  I’m allowed my own life and you don’t have a say in that.”  He throws the guy to the ground to join his partner and turns back to the bench.  Jacob and Olivia are gone.

The only good thing that comes out of it is that SHIELD does pull off the surveillance from Steve’s life. Tony and Natasha are impressed.  Steve spirals into a depression thought and when Tony doesn’t know what else to do, he calls Sam Wilson, who makes the trip to New York.

“When did all this start?” Sam is with Tony in the lift and doesn’t really know what ‘this’ is, but he needs context.

“The Battle of New York. He saved someone that started all this.”  Sam looks worried and Tony doesn’t say anything else.  Privacy is important to him and he wants Steve to tell as much of this to Sam as he wants.  It isn’t Tony’s story and the genius doesn’t even know where he would start.

The lift opens and Steve is sitting by the window drawing. “Hey man, why don’t we talk?”  Steve looks up as Tony disappears into the lift and Sam comes over to sit with him.

“Sam?” Steve seems surprised.

“Stark tells me you’re having a rough time. Wanna talk about that?”  Steve turns the sketch around that he’s been working on.  “Isn’t that your best friend, Barnes?”

Steve shakes his head. “No, this is Jacob.”  Sam’s eyes get wide.  They spend the next few hours talking through everything.  When Steve is done telling Sam everything he knows, he looks up expecting Sam to smirk, maybe make a joke, but instead he’s nodding.  “You believe me.”

“Steve, my family is from New Orleans. Maybe you don’t know this about that area, but there’s a lot of different beliefs and reincarnation isn’t the strangest.”  He takes the pad and looks at the face.  “Do you really believe this guy is Barnes?”

“Yes.” There’s no hesitation.

“That’s good enough for me.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia is at the end of her rope. She's just done with everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Olivia is fun to write because she's smarter than everyone around her.   
> I make reference to the fall of SHIELD, but I don't spend any time really explaining it because there's no Winter Soldier, so just accept that the Avengers figured out what was going on and took care of it.

Olivia: He left this morning for someplace in Eastern Europe.  He didn’t look well, but he was determined.  No one can change his mind when he gets that way.

Steve: He’s always been that way.

Olivia: Who do you think he is, Steve?

Steve: I know who he is.  He’s Bucky.

Olivia: I think we should talk.

Steve sits in a small coffee shop in Clinton Hill waiting for Olivia. He knows that Natasha is out there somewhere.  She’s good, but he’s better.  He spotted her about 30 seconds after he left the tower.  What he doesn’t know is if she’s following him for Stark or for Fury.  He suspects that it’s Fury and asked JARVIS if there is anything he could do to keep this meeting private.  JARVIS assured him that once Ms. Weaver arrives, nothing will be ‘overheard.’

Olivia arrives just after 9:30 and the minute she walks in the door, the electric prickle starts under Steve’s skin. He knows the table he’s sitting at in the café is secure.  He looks up at the security cameras and winks at JARVIS who makes his phone chirp with a ‘You’re welcome, Captain.’

She sits and looks around. “What no vultures this time?”

Steve chuckles. “They won’t be coming back.  It was that or they get the shield back and no me attached to it.”

She sits, assessing him for a minute, then nods. “You’re sure about this thing with Jay?”

“Absolutely. It’s strange, I’ll admit, but I work with a god and have seen magic happen, so this isn’t the strangest thing.”  He’s watching her take in everything he’s saying.

“Tell me what you know.” She pours from the small pot Steve has on the table.

“It would put you in danger.”

She snorts. “Fuck that Steven, tell me what you know or I get up and walk out and you lose the only connection to him you have.”  He relays everything that he and Tony talked about making her swear that she won’t share it with anyone, not even Jacob.  He carefully leaves out anything pertaining to the Winter Soldier.  “Don’t you think he has the right to know?”

“I think if you tell him all of this, he’ll shut down more. Maybe if he comes to terms with what’s going on in his head by himself, he’ll be ready to accept it.”  She nods, reaching out to put a hand over his.

“How are you doing?” She’s searching his face and seems to find something.

“I’m good. You know, fine.”  He half shrugs.

“So you’re a stubborn asshole too then.” She leans back in her chair.  “How long have you been in love with him?”

He takes a deep breath. “Since 1934.”

“Jesus Steve, that’s like 80 years.” He nods.  “Did he know?”

“What? No, he wouldn’t have wanted to know, not back then.”  He’s near frantic.  “It could have gotten him killed.  I’d never do that to him.”

She holds up her hands to pacify him. “Deep breath.  Take a deep breath.”  He does, closing his eyes like Sam told him when he feels like he’s losing ground.  “Okay, but you know that Jay is gay, right?”

His eyes fly open. “Bu—but…he-he’s…”

“I’m going to take that as a no. Okay, so you understand that this time around, you could have him the way you always wanted.”  She’s grinning.

“That’s not…I’m not…that isn’t…” He’s completely flustered now.

“Then what do you want from him if not that?” She leans in again.

“Just…just…an anchor.” He leans back.  “I just wanted my friend back.  I didn’t expect to ever have that.  Then this, with him, and now I don’t know anything anymore.”

She seems to be contemplating her next words. She sets her lips in a thin line and plows forward.  “I’m going to say this and he’s going to kill me if he ever finds out, but I watched some of the recordings of his dreams.”  Steve shakes his head, indicating that he doesn’t understand.  “He’s been recording dreams and memories, under his doctor’s instructions.  She told him to record them as if he’s talking directly to you, although I don’t think she knows it’s you.”  She cocks her head to the side, questioning whether he gets what she’s saying.  He nods.  “Okay, so when we were kids, he used to wake up from his dreams and be freaking out.  I finally got him to talk about them, but only after I promised not to say anything to anyone, especially our parents.”  He starts to ask why, but she waves him off.  “That’s a long story that I’m not going into.  What I will tell you is that in these dreams, he’s Bucky and you’re always there.”  Steve clinches his fists to fight tearing up.  “He’s been in love with you since I can remember, so at least since he was 18, but I’m betting it’s been a hell of a lot longer.”

For the short time they stay at the café, Steve and Olivia get to know each other and Steve would never say this to Olivia or anyone for that matter, but she reminds him of Becca. Not in how she looks, but how strong she is.  She tells him how Jacob is her best friend, that he’s always been there for her, and how she would do anything for him.  That’s why she was willing to give Steve a chance to explain.  Steve tells her that Jacob is the only thing keeping him grounded in this new, confusing world.  Pulling his sketch pad out of his bag, he gives her the most recent drawing of Jacob.  She smiles down at it, thanking Steve.

Steve dives into work after that and leads missions with a focus that seems forced. Tony and Sam worry about him.  They try talking to him a few times, but he tells them he needs to focus on something that isn’t Jacob.  He knows he has to give Jacob space if he’s going to be able to reconcile two lives in one body, but it’s the hardest thing that Steve’s ever done.

SHIELD falls not long after and Alexander Pierce and Strike Team 1 go with it. Multitudes of high officials are found to be Hydra as well, making Steve think it’s no better than it was before taking the plane down.  When Fury finds out that they’ve all been working for Hydra and he had misplaced his allegiance, he tells Steve to run the Avengers the way it should have been to begin with.  Steve turns the decision making over to Tony.  Tony starts making judicious choices about which missions to take, checking with Steve about tactics, and running the Avengers like a company.  Between Steve and Tony, missions are efficient and intel is always solid.

Then Ultron happens and they end up fighting a robot army. He and Tony have a disagreement at the Barton’s farm, but it’s soon smoothed over enough to keep working.  When they fly out for Sokovia, Steve’s phone chirps with a message.

Olivia: Is it true that Sokovia is the focal point of this whole mess?

Steve: How?

Olivia: It’s on the news that it’s under attack.

Steve: Why is that important to you?

He feels like he knows the answer before she can type it out.

Olivia: That’s where Jacob is.

He goes to the cockpit and leans over Tony. “Can this thing go any faster?”

Tony looks up to give a snarky retort and sees the look on Steve’s face. “What’s up?”

“Jacob is in Sokovia.”

Tony reaches up, flipping a few switches. “Strap in everyone, we’re about to open it up.”

There’s grumbling and Steve straps in next to Tony. “Thanks.”

“You’re not losing him again.”

Their disagreement from a few days ago is forgotten.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob in Sokovia.

Jacob stares down at the handful of pills. For days it’s been next to impossible to function and being in a country, that needs so much help, he can’t afford to stop working.  The local schools have been set up with new computers and Jacob has been working with the kids, showing them the basics.  His interpreter has been a blessing and a curse.  She has a crush on him and he doesn’t know how to tell her he’s gay, plus, she can tell when he’s in serious pain and tries to get him to stop and rest.

So, staring at the pills and the relief it would bring, it tempting. Putting all but one back in the bottle, he takes it, hoping it will help.  Lying in his bed, he stares at the ceiling and wonders what Steve is doing.  “I hope you’re sleeping better than I am, Stevie.”

He’s been fighting the memories so hard, but some just won’t be pushed away. The ones that involve his feelings overtake everything else.  A few days prior, Jacob had been leaning over a desk, helping a little girl figure out what she’d done wrong, when he was slammed with a memory that made his vision swim.  He’d run out, throwing up in the nearest trash can at the impact.

Before he left, he’d admitted to Oli who Steve, from his dreams and memories, really is. She’d already knew, so when this new memory hit him, it was just confirmation that he, or Bucky, had been a fool of epic proportions.  Hiding feelings and playing them off as friendship.  Now, lying in his bed, he thinks that maybe if he just lets go and lets the memories overwhelm him, his body will just shut down.  All the pain gone.

Taking a deep breath, he relaxes every muscle in his body, takes a second deep breath and pulls down the metaphorical wall he put up in his mind. Instead of keeping them at bay, he’s going to let the memories take him.

It’s like a tidal wave, his body spasms, he gulps in a breath and sits straight up in bed. A deluge of recollections invade him and he’s cognizant of another consciousness.  That awareness is the last thing he remembers before passing out.

A week later, he’s not taking pills anymore. He doesn’t need them.  It’s strange having these memories alongside Jacob’s own, but now he gets it, now he understands that they aren’t someone else’s, they are his, just from before.  What he isn’t expecting is for an army of robots to descend on the city, but he lets Bucky take over and organizes an escape for the kids.  He doesn’t like taking the bus, it being such a big target, but he’s got a lot of people to move and the bus is the best option.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally!

Steve and the team fight like a demons against an army of robots.  Steve checks for that familiar face around every corner as he pulls cars from the brink of disaster and helps people trying to get to safety.  They’ve been fighting for hours and, like New York, he’s almost out of steam. 

It’s starting to seem hopeless and never ending, but as he turns he sees a school bus slowly trying to make its way through the streets, Steve gathers his resolve. Ultron’s minions are surrounding the bus and he runs to help. 

He’s within feet of the bus when he hears it. “STEVE!”

Looking up through one of the windows, near the back of the bus, holding a little girl against his chest, is Jacob. He looks into Steve’s eyes horrified.  Steve points at the back door of the bus and Jacob nods, calling for the driver to stop, and goes for the latch.  Steve is fighting for his life.  As the kids start to disembark, he watches as his Jacob, his Jay, his Bucky helps everyone out, handing the little girl he is holding off to a young woman, then one of the robots send a blast into the middle of the bus, causing it to buckle and catch on fire.  Steve throws the shield, cutting off its head, then goes into the bus.  He picks Jacob up, who seems dazed and Steve jumps free of the burning vehicle.

“We have to stop meeting like this.” Jacob chuckles against his neck.

“I thought I lost you again.” Steve holds him tighter to his chest.  “I can’t lose you again.”

Jacob’s arms weave around his neck, holding on. “I’m really him?”

Steve sits him down, cupping his face. He sees Jacob’s confusion, but also recognition and relief. “Yeah, you are and in case I don’t have the chance later, I love you.” He takes a second to kiss Jacob’s forehead.

The hellicarrier comes not long after the confession; Steve points Jacob in that direction telling him to get the kids from the bus on board. “You’ll stay safe, right?”

“I’ll do my best.” Steve knows he can’t make that promise, so he does the best he can.  Jacob points the bus passengers to the flying ship and runs back to Steve. 

“You better stay safe.” With that he leans up, kissing Steve soundly.  He starts running with the others, then turns.  “Cause it’s not the end of the line yet, punk.”

Steve stops dead, turning back to Jacob who’s grinning. “Oh god…”

The battle ends in their favor, but not so much for the people of Sokovia. The Avengers won, but with a countries worth of refugees.  On board the carrier, everyone needs food and sleep.

Steve and Jacob are given a compartment together on the carrier, where they shower, separately, then sit in the bunks across from each other staring.

“What do you want to know?” Jacob doesn’t know where to start and thinks a question will prompt Steve into talking.  He isn’t sure what to do with a super soldier that just stares at him like he’s a ghost.

“What do you remember?” Tears start gathering in Steve’s eyes and that’s almost worse.

“I remember most everything, up to the fall. Everything after that is choppy.”  Jacob takes a chance and gets up to sit with Steve.  He reaches up and pushes a stray hair off Steve’s forehead.  “I remember loving you, even though I was too scared to tell you.  I remember dragging you on dates that I could have cared less about.  I remember sitting next to your bed and watching a priest give last rights.  I remember watching you fall for Peggy and wishing I could die from how much it hurt.  I remember thinking as I fell that I was so glad it was me and not you.”

There’s a hitch from Steve then he sobs into Jacob’s shirt, finally giving in to all the pain he’s been feeling. “Sorry…so sorry.”

Jacob pulls his head up, forcing eye contact. “Hey pal, you didn’t blow the side off that train.  Hydra did that.  This is on them, not you.”

Steve’s tear stained face looks up into Jacob’s eyes. “I never loved Peggy, not like that, I just didn’t think I could have what I really wanted.”  He burrows back into Jacob’s neck.  “It was you, always you.”

Steve cries and eventually Jacob lays them on the bunk and just holds him. Steve drifts off to sleep and Jacob continues the embrace.  Just before Jacob drifts off too, the door quietly opens and Tony Stark looks in.  He gives Jacob a soft smile, closes the door and leaves them alone.

Home is a completely different beast because the Avengers return to the new compound and Steve wants Jacob there, with him, but Jacob needs to see his family. Steve relents, offers to go with him, causing Jacob to laugh.  “And I’m just supposed to show up with Captain America in tow and try to explain all of this to them?  Steve, come on, you know that isn’t a good idea.”

Jacob met Sam and the rest of the team on the way home and is thankful that Steve won’t be alone. The only one that seems put off is Black Widow.  Jacob can’t figure out why she looks at him so frightened.  “Come on man, you gotta let him do this on his own.”  Sam’s easy voice and mannerism is comforting.

Steve sighs heavily where he stands by the windows, looking out at nothing. “I know, it’s just…”

Jacob comes up behind him, wrapping arms around him from behind. “You just don’t want to let me out of your sight because you’re afraid this is all a dream.”

Steve leans back into the comfort of an old friend. “Well, yeah.  What if I wake up and never see you again?”

Jacob turns Steve to face him, mapping out the look of grief and elation mixed together. “Well pal, apparently the universe has something to say about that.”  Steve huffs a laugh.  “Look at that.”  Steve looks at him confused, then smiles again.  “I’ve been dreaming about that smile my whole life and I finally get to see it in person.”

Steve’s using all of his control to hang on to some kind of calm, but the look of relief swirling in Jacob’s eyes isn’t making it any easier. “Jesus, Buck…”

For the first time, Jacob looks ready to break too. Reaching up, he lightly touches Steve’s face.  “Stevie.”

And that’s the final piece for Steve. It all comes together in an instant.  He grabs Jacob and holds him as close as possible, just feeling him breathing is enough to set everything that’s been wrong inside, right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to try posting a chapter a day from here on out until it's all up. I'm working through the last few chapters, but something feels off. I've got about 5 chapters before those go up though, so hopefully I'll get a handle on what's not working.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob returns to the compound and Steve.

It’s two days before Jacob returns and in that time Tony has had extra food, clothes and tech delivered to Steve’s apartment, to accommodate the extra person Tony believes will be staying. Unlike the tower, where everyone had their own floor, the Avengers have apartments in the compound.  Each one Tony has tailored to what each individual enjoys and needs.  The common areas are always stocked, but he also knows his friends and they like private space.

Sometimes they don’t mingle together for a day or two because everyone processes differently. Some will be gone on missions, while others will be training.  Steve likes his alone time and Tony sees that for what it is now, it’s Steve trying to reconcile this world with the one that he left behind.

The second morning Tony walks into the kitchen, expecting it to be empty because of the hour. He’s been in the lab for the last two days trying to update and slightly rewrite FRIDAY.  It is also Tony’s opportunity to grieve the loss of JARVIS.  Having Vision around doesn’t help because he’s not JARVIS, he’s a new life; a combination of personalities and even though JARVIS is part of that, he isn’t all.

What Tony finds is Steve making breakfast, sipping on a cup of coffee. “Cap, what’s got you up so early?”

Steve turns, having heard someone coming. “I couldn’t sleep.  Took a run and then decided that we should have breakfast together.”

“How are you planning on dragging everyone else out of bed at,” Tony looks at the clock.  “6:30 in the morning.”  Tony pours a cup of coffee and leans on the counter.

Steve waits until he hears Tony’s phone ping. He smirks at his friend when Tony checks it and looks up at Steve.  “I figured that a visual would do the trick.”

Tony chuckles, sipping his coffee and snagging a piece of bacon. “I give it…”  He waits, then smiles at the door.  “3…2…1.”  Sure enough, sleep weary Avengers come stumbling into the kitchen.

Clint blindly makes his way to the coffee pot, but before he can snag the carafe, Natasha pushes him toward the table where he lays his head down, forehead resting on the table top. Natasha pours two cups and sits next to Clint, who turns his head toward her, now resting his cheek to the table and smiles at her.  Sam, who is staying at the compound until Steve hears from Jacob, gets his coffee and a piece of bacon then sits leaning back on the wall.  Wanda shuffles in, looking unsure, but when Clint sits up and raises his arm, she comes to sit with him, snuggling into his side.  Bruce is the most awake of everyone that’s wanders in and goes to fix a cup of tea.  He makes two and offers the other to Wanda, who smiles softly at him.  Thor entering the kitchen makes everyone do a double take because he’s wearing Harry Potter pajama pants and carrying a stuffed snake.

Steve chuckles and soon the rest of them join in with varying levels of giggles and full out laughs. “God of Thunder has a stuffy.”  Thor grins and sips on his coffee.

Vision comes in, looking about as unsure as Wanda did. “Morning Vision.”  Steve makes the first move because he’s their responsibility.

“Good morning Captain Rogers.” He hovers near the table, but doesn’t sit immediately.  Wanda moves over and indicates the chair next to her.  Vision sits, but looks uncomfortable.

“Call me Steve, please.” Vision nods and looks over at Wanda. 

The gate alarm goes off and Tony goes over to check. FRIDAY puts the car up on screen.  Tony doesn’t recognize it.  “FRIDAY, who’s at the gate?”

“The car is registered to an Olivia Weaver.”

Steve’s head jerks up. The action isn’t missed by anyone at the table.  “Tony.”

Tony waves him off. “FRIDAY, open the gate.”

“Yes Boss.”

Steve starts to put the platters of food on the table, but Tony comes over and waves him aside. “Go meet him.”  Steve runs from the kitchen to the lift.  He watches as Jacob and Olivia exit the car.  Jacob opens the back door and grabs two bags, looking up, he sees Steve and smiles.  Olivia watches the emotions play across Steve’s face.  Dropping the bags, Jacob runs to Steve, throwing himself at the bigger man.  Steve catches him with ease and adoration.

Steve buries his face in Jacob’s neck and inhales. “I missed you.”

“Only been gone two days, babydoll.” Then Jacob chuckles.  It’s a sound that Steve remembers well.

“Doesn’t matter.” He pulls back and grins into blue/grey eyes and brushes Jacob’s hair away from his face.  “I kinda like having you around.”

“You’d think we’ve been friends for almost a hundred years. Oh wait, we have.”  Jacob leans up and gives Steve a peck on the lips.

Steve gives him a ‘very funny’ look and then glances at Olivia. “How did everything go?”

Jacob sighs and Olivia smirks. “Well, our parents thought he’d lost his mind until he started talking about old Brooklyn and knew things that he shouldn’t know.”

He looks confused at Olivia. “We’ll have to talk about that later.”  He leans down, kissing Jacob again.  “You hungry?  I fixed breakfast.”  Jacob hums and Olivia nods.

In the kitchen, Olivia freezes and Jacob snickers. “Uh…Steve…why does the god of thunder have a stuffed snake?”

Steve laughs. “He likes snakes.  Has something to do with his brother. Don’t ask for further explanation.”

Steve introduces Jacob and Olivia to the team again then after grabbing food, takes them to his apartment so they can settle in.   “Olivia is going to stay for a few days, if that’s okay.”

Steve had just assumed that she’d be staying. “Uh yeah, I made up the guest room.  You know, just in case.”  Jacob smiles slightly like he knew that Steve would.  “I’ll…uh…I’ll take the couch, so you’re bedroom is in there.”  Steve points towards the master bedroom then points at the guest.  “Yours is in there, Olivia.”

“Steve, I don’t want to take your bed.” Olivia rolls her eyes and heads into the guest room.  “I can take the  couch.”

Steve moves over to Jacob, taking his hand. “Just take the bed.  It’s not like I’m going to get too cold anymore.”

Jacob lowers his head, looking at Steve through his lashes.   “We could share.  Not like it would be the first time.”  He blushes.

Steve’s face heats up and his blush mirrors Jacob’s. “You sure you’re okay with that?”

They both jump when Olivia barks out a laugh. “Would you two stop dancing around each other and just share the damn bed?”  She heads into the kitchen.  “I mean for god sakes, you’d think you two didn’t know each other already.”

That makes Steve pause. He looks at Jacob and sighs.  “You know me, but I don’t really know you.”

Olivia stops in the door of the kitchen, turning back to the pair. Jacob squeezes Steve’s hand.  “What do you mean?”

Olivia hopes that Steve means what she thinks he means.  “What _do_ you mean, Steve?”

Steve draws Jacob to the couch, sitting, still holding his hand. “Well…look…”  He looks up at Olivia, then back at Jacob.  “Who you were before…it’s not who you are now.  I mean…”  He sighs again and gets up, going to the window.  “You’ve lived a whole new life.  You’re Jacob Weaver.  You aren’t really James Barnes.”  One hand on his hip and the other rubbing his forehead, Steve turns back to the man on the couch wearing his best friend’s face.  “You have his face and his memories, but you aren’t him.”  He throws himself into the armchair.  “I know how I feel about you, but I should be getting to know this other life you’ve lived.”

Olivia is relieved that Steve knows there’s a difference, but Jacob looks shell shocked. “Steve, do you want me to go?  We can go back to the city and we can…”

“No!, I don’t want you to go. Please don’t go.”  Steve looks panicked.  “I didn’t say that well.  I just mean that I know what I want, but it’s not fair to you if I don’t get to know who you are now.”

Jacob gets up, crossing the room and plops himself in Steve’s lap. Wrapping his arms around the neck of the man that looks thrown for a loop.  “Steve, I came here so we could get to know each other again. It’s not like you’re the same guy that watched me fall from the train.”  He cringes knowing that Steve’s going to keep blaming himself for that.  “I had a bad time in Sokovia, before the robot army, trying to reconcile old memories with who I am.  I’m not going to stop being Jacob just because I’m Bucky too.”

The main difference that Steve notices is how secure Jacob is in his sexuality. Bucky may have felt this for him back then, but he never would have acted on it.  The second thing that Steve notices is how Jacob seems to talk about himself in both personas with ease.  Reaching up, he brushes Jacob’s hair from his face, cupping his cheek.  “I never told you.  I wish I had.”  Jacob tilts his head in a way that isn’t Bucky at all.  “I loved you so much that it hurt.  You were and are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.  I want to know this you.”

Jacob leans in, rubbing his nose against Steve’s. “I used to have a Captain America poster in my room, but after a few months I ripped it down because it wasn’t really you.”  Steve chuckles.  “It was just what they made you, forced you to be, not what I knew, in my soul, was the real you.  Even before I knew that the Steve in my dreams was you.”

Steve nearly sobs. He pulls Jacob against him, holding on like he’s the only thing keeping Steve sane.  “You always saw the real me.”

Jacob pulls back enough to look into Steve’s eyes. “But I’m really glad you kept the outfit.”  He smirks and it’s all Bucky.  “Makes your ass look amazing.”

Steve laughs until he cries. “Glad to hear it.”  He looks up to see if Olivia is okay, but she’s gone.  “Where did Olivia go?”

“If I know my sister she left so that we could make out like teenagers on prom night.” Steve quirks an eyebrow.  “You don’t think I’m sitting in your lap for no reason do you, Stevie?”  It breaks all of Steve’s resolve to be good and not push and he winds his fingers into Jacob’s hair at the back of his neck, tilts his head just so and pulls him into a kiss.  There’s nothing tentative about it, it’s deep and searching.  Jacob changes positions without breaking the kiss and straddles Steve’s lap.  Steve whimpers at the sensation and pulls him until there’s not a part of Jacob’s body that isn’t touching Steve’s.  Jacob pulls away from the kiss, resting his forehead against Steve’s.  “I have missed you.  All my life there was something missing.”  He opens his eyes to meet Steve’s gaze.  “It was you.”  He leans in, kissing along Steve’s neck and just under his ear.  Scraping his teeth, he hears Steve moan. 

“Jesus Jay, you’re going to kill me.” Jacob grinds down into Steve’s lap, creating friction where they both want it.  “We gotta stop or I won’t be able to.”  It’s nothing more than a pant, but Jacob hears him.

He grins down at Steve, grinding again and sucking the spot his teeth just grazed. “Fuck that, not stopping.  I waited two lifetimes for this, you can’t make me stop.”  He bites down on Steve’s earlobe. “Please Stevie.”

It’s like the perfect storm for Steve’s poor brain: all the right moves, all the right words and for the first time ever, the right person.  He stands, taking Jacob with him, supporting him with hands on the shorter man’s perfect ass.  Jacob wraps his legs around Steve’s waist.  “You’re a menace, Jacob Weaver.”  Jacob laughs and goes back to kissing as they stumble into the bedroom.  Dropping Jacob onto the bed, Steve pulls his shirt over his head.  “Tell me what you want.  I’ll give you anything.”

Jacob sits up, placing his hands on Steve’s stomach. “Don’t move.  I’ll show you what I want.”  He unbuckles Steve’s belt, undoing the button and pulling down the zipper.  He pushes the jeans and boxers, visually feasting on the prize.  Taking Steve into his mouth, Jacob groans, causing Steve’s hips to buck.  Jacob pulls off, looking up at Steve.  “Say it, Steve.  Say my name.”

Steve’s eyes go from lust hazy to lust blown. “Buck, please.”  Jacob dives back in and Steve loses his mind.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More comes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting yesterday. Work kicked my ass.

They finally come out of Steve’s room around lunch, starving and looking for food. The breakfast dishes are cleaned up and Olivia is sitting in the common room with Sam and Tony.  “Well, you two finally decided to grace us with your presence.”

Sam and Tony snicker at the pajama pants and ruffled hair. “Damn, what did you two get up to?”  Sam is grinning, then puts up his hands.  “Wait, never mind, we don’t want to know.”

Tony jumps up. “Speak for yourself, birdman, I want to know.”

Ignoring the banter, they go into the kitchen and Steve starts digging around for the ingredients for sandwiches. Jacob sits at the counter, watching and trying to pretend he doesn’t see his sister’s questioning looks.  “Ham or turkey?”  Steve holds up the two meats.

“Turkey and no…”

Before he can finish, Steve interrupts. “No mustard, yeah, I know, Buck.”

The grin that blooms on Jacob’s face is priceless. Olivia comes over, leaning into her brother, who puts his arm around her.  “So, this looks promising.”

Jacob leans over and kisses her cheek. “It’s more than a promise, I think.”

Sam it watching from a distance, but is picking up on the comfort level that Steve’s never had before. “You two staying for awhile?”

Tony is interested now. Jacob looks over at Sam and sees Tony lurking.  “Yeah, I’m going to be here for awhile.”  He looks at Tony.  “If that’s okay?” 

Steve moves around the kitchen with a small smile radiating happiness. “You can move in if you can keep that look on Cap’s face.”

Jacob looks over at Steve. The super soldier just keeps working on the sandwiches.  “That a new look, Steve?”

Tony and Sam both laugh. “It’s one we’ve never seen.”

Olivia goes to the fridge to get a soda. “Can’t say that I’ve ever seen my brother so comfortable in his own skin before either.”

Sandwiches done, they move to the couches again. Halfway through eating, Tony finally gets the courage to ask.  “So, this is real?”  He indicates Steve and Jacob.

Jacob pulls a leg under him and leans a little more into Steve. “Are you asking if I’m really James Barnes?”  Tony nods.  “Yeah, I am.  Some things are fuzzy.”

Sam perks up. “Like what?”

Jacob half shrugs and takes another bite. “I don’t really understand what happened after the fall.  I remember the fall, vividly.”  Steve shudders.  Jacob sits his plate on the couch next to him and leans up to kiss Steve’s cheek.  “Still not your fault.”  Steve nods, but doesn’t say anything or look up.  “There are blips, pieces of memories, but they aren’t something I like to think about.”  Olivia rubs his shoulder.  He knows that she’s telling him to try to explain.  “Okay, so I think…I think I was alive for awhile after the fall.  Maybe for years.”

Tony and Steve exchange a look and Jacob sees it. “We don’t have to think about that right now.”

Jacob leans forward, catching Steve’s eyes. “You know something, don’t you?”

Tony is shaking his head at Steve. “Cap…”

Steve puts his plate down, suddenly not hungry anymore. “Tony I can’t lie to him about this.”  He looks at Jacob and it’s so pained that Jacob pulls him into a hug.  “I can’t lie to you.”  He looks back at Tony and Sam.  “But maybe we could not do it with an audience.”

Sam and Tony leave the room, but don’t go far. If this comes out, they may be needed.   Olivia gets comfortable with her legs pulled up with a pillow in her lap.  “Why do I feel like this is going to be worse than even I can imagine?”

Steve looks lost and anxious. “Because it is.”  He looks at Jacob, pained and fidgeting.  “Does the name Winter Soldier mean anything to you?”

At first Jacob just cocks his head to the side, furrowed brow and pinched lips, then his breathing speeds up and his eyes go wide. “That’s who that is?”

Steve caresses his cheek. “What do you remember?”

Jacob looks at him, a little lost, a little annoyed, and a little frustrated. “It’s like it’s right there.”  He taps the side of his head with the heel of his hand.  “But I can’t quite get to it.  Usually the memories take over, why aren’t these?”

Steve shakes his head. “I don’t know.”  Jacob looks at him, only half believing what he’s saying.  Steve sees the look.  “No, I’m really not sure.  I thought once I said the name, you’d remember.”  They sit in silence and Steve watches him like any second, he’ll keel over with a headache.  “Maybe it’s because of what they did to you.”

“Why don’t you explain that to me?”

Steve tells Jacob about being found by Hydra and everything he knows from the file up to the last assassination in Germany. The more he talks, but more Jacob seems to be pulling away.  “You remember what you told me about your fall?”  Jacob nods absently.  “What they made you do wasn’t your fault.  They tortured you for decades and made you a weapon.”  He takes Jacob’s face in his hands, forcing eye contact.  “It wasn’t your fault.”

They don’t talk for a long while and when Olivia finally speaks, Jacob has fallen asleep against Steve’s side. “When we were kids, he was my hero.  I never thought there was anyone braver or stronger than my brother.”  Tears still stain her face when she looks up at Steve.  “Now I’m sure that I was right.  I can’t believe that anyone survived that for as long as he did.”

Steve’s arm tightens around Jacob and he leans in to kiss the top of his head. “He’s always been the bravest person I’ve ever known.  He protected me when no one else would give me the time of day.”  He looks away, lost in thought.  “I didn’t want to tell him, but I didn’t want him remembering anything and not know what it was all about.”

She reaches out, laying a hand on Steve’s arm. “I’m glad you told him and didn’t keep it from him.  He deserved to know.”

Tony and Sam come back into the room and see the state of the situation. “What can we do to help?”

Steve smiles up at Sam. “I don’t know.”  He looks at his friends a little lost.  “I don’t know if there’s anything anyone can do.  He’s going to have to process all this.  Maybe just don’t push.”

They both nod. Olivia stands, stretching.  “I’m going to lie down.”  She wanders away.

Steve gathers Jacob in his arms and stands. “I think that’s a good idea.  We’ll see you at dinner.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day in the life. I love Tony Stark, even though he can be abrasive. Inside that rough exterior is a marshmallow.

The next few weeks is Jacob reconciling everything that he’s learning from the files that Tony reluctantly showed him. Now, not only does he remember Bucky Barnes, but also the blips he gets of the Winter Soldier, two completely different people existing within the same mind.  Unfortunately, for Jacob that means he now has three people living in his brain. 

Sam spends time talking with him about everything and Jacob starts to learn how to compartmentalize all of the feelings. He knows in his head that what Hydra made him do was not really him or Bucky, but a weapon they created.  It’s his heart that is having a hard time comprehending the feelings he has about what he did as the soldier.  It also means that he now has nightmares; Steve is the biggest help with that, suffering from PTSD himself, Steve knows how to draw Jacob out of his mind and into the present.  Olivia returns to the city, but keeps daily contact with Steve and Jacob.

During Jacob’s third week at the Compound, Steve and Natasha are sent on a mission, leaving Jacob at the compound with Tony and the others. Sitting outside with Clint, who is playing with Lucky, Jacob draws out plans for a project at the waterfront in Brooklyn.  It’s something he’s been thinking Brooklyn needs for years, but never put on paper.  A shadow falls over his shoulder, holding his hand up to block the sun, he sees Tony looking at the plan.

“Interesting idea. Part of your job?”  Tony sits down next to Jacob, turning his eyes to the chaos of Clint trying to outsmart Lucky.

“No, just something I’ve been thinking about.” Jacob follows Tony’s gaze and laughs when Clint trips, flailing to the ground.

“How are you doing?” Tony has had to come to terms with all of this, but like he told Jacob before, as long as he can look at Cap and see that smile, he’s willing to believe anything.

“I’m trying to cope.” He indicates the notebook.  “This helps.  Grounding myself in something I can control.”

Tony nods, looking back at the sketches. “This is really interesting.”  He points at something in the sketch.  “What’s this?”

Bucky gives a half grin. “That’s a greenhouse.  Someplace that people can go and plant things or just be in nature.”

Tony looks out at the vastness of the compound’s grounds. “Think you could do something like that here?”

Jacob chuckles. “Well yeah, but why?”

Tony’s mouth turns into a thin line. “Because sometimes we forget why we’re doing this job.  Might be nice to have someplace to get our hands dirty that isn’t blood and grime.”  They spend the next couple of hours talking through what Tony has in mind and Jacob starts to sketch out what he might do.  Tony smiles as he goes back in.  Tony’s savior, after his kidnapping, had been his lab, now Jacob has something to focus on that isn’t what’s in his head.

It’s another week before Steve returns to the compound. The mission got messier than they had anticipated.  The stab wound on Steve’s side is healing well, but that doesn’t stop Jacob from fawning over him, while ripping him a new one at the same time.  “I swear to god Steven Grant Rogers, you never know when to duck and weave.  Tried to teach you how to avoid getting punched or in this case stabbed, but you never listen.”  Jacob is cleaning the wound and taping it back up, but seems to be on a verbal tear.  “Just charge in, half cocked, and get yourself stabbed.  It’s a wonder you made it out of Azzano alive.  If I hadn’t been watching your back, you would have probably thrown yourself into the fire.”  He’s winding down, but Steve just smiles the whole time.  “What the hell are you grinning at you punk?”

Steve’s smile has grown from a small smirk to a full blown grin. “Haven’t ripped me like that in a long, long time Buck.” 

The tape in place, Jacob crawls into Steve’s lap, straddling him. He starts by kissing along Steve’s neck.  “Maybe I wouldn’t have to if you’d stop getting hurt, jerk.”

Steve pulls him in, holding on a tight as possible, just breathing. “I love you so goddamn much.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob in therapy...again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had about 20 chapters of this done before I even started posting. This is chapter 19 and there are at least 10 more to come. I got stuck in my head for a couple of days and couldn't get where I needed to. After backing away, the breakthrough happened. I needed to sit back and let these guys talk to each other in my head. How crazy does that make me sound?

Jacob sits in his therapy sessions and talks about his life. Jacob’s life, not everyone else’s.  The two other voices in his head, laugh at him.  Okay, Bucky laughs, the Winter Soldier glares at him with cold eyes and a half smirk.  His therapist, Janine, asks him how he’s holding up now that he understands everything.  She looks at Jacob with kind eyes and understanding, so when he dumps on her that he’s really the reincarnated best friend of Steve Rogers who was taken by Hydra and brainwashed into their greatest weapon, she doesn’t even blink.

“How do you handle having all those memories?” She hasn’t given any indication that she doesn’t believe him.

“I don’t think about them as separate people, they’re all me.” He hesitates.  “But sometimes, when they are hard, my brain kind of shuts down for a little while.”  He gets up, walking around the office.  “Can’t tell you how many times in the last couple of weeks that Steve’s found me sitting up in bed staring into nothing.  I don’t even remember waking up.”

“So you and Captain Rogers are…together?” It isn’t asked as thought she wants gossip, but more that she’s trying to understand all of the relationships.  This is only their fourth session since his return from Sokovia.

“Yeah, we are.” He looks back at her.

She chuckles. “I knew this was going to be the most interesting case of my career.”

“How do we do this?” She clearly needs him to clarify.  “I mean, we’ve talked about me, Jacob, how do…do you just want me to talk about everything?”

“That’s exactly what I want you do to.” She looks down at her pad.  “Why don’t we start with something simple.”  Jacob nods.  “When did you know that you were in love with Captain Rogers?”

Jacob laughs. “You say simple.”  She smiles at his laughter.  “I knew when he was 12.”  Now she just looks confused.  “See, you asked what you thought was a simple questions, but it’s way more complicated than that.”

“Explain it to me.”

“Okay.” He sits back down, leaning forward with elbows on knees.  “When Stevie was 12, he got the flu and that turned into bronchitis, which, because he’s Steve, turned into pneumonia.”  She leans back in her chair and Jacob can see the surprise on her face.  “Anyway, Miss Sarah, his ma, tried everything.  She was a nurse, but nothing was working and she didn’t really have the money for the medicine he needed.  He got worse and worse.”  He sighs and looks down at the floor.  “After a few days, his breathing was almost not there and she called their priest.”  He remembers it like it was yesterday and the feelings are just as fresh as that day is Steve’s bedroom, fighting with Sarah Rogers.  “She and I got into a fight.”  He chuckles a mirthless laugh.  “It’s the first and only time I disrespected her, but I just couldn’t let her call the priest.  If he was given last rites, then it was admitting defeat.”  He looks back up at her with tears in his eyes.  “She did it anyway.  After the priest left, Sarah left me to say goodbye to him.”  Janine looks horrified.  “I crawled in bed with him, held him as close as I could, cried like a damn baby and told him that he couldn’t leave me.  Told him I loved him and if I could I’d marry him someday.”  He stands again, shaking off the memory.  “So yeah, he was 12 and I was 13 when I knew I loved him.  Still love him.  More than any goddamn thing in this world.”

“You seem very well adjusted to all of this.”

He shakes his head. “I’m not really, but what choice do I have.  When I was in Sokovia, I thought about taking some pills and just letting go.”  Her eyes fly up to his and the writing she was doing stopped.  “I didn’t want to die, not really, I just…things were surfacing really fast, like too much to handle fast and I couldn’t take it.”  He sits again.  “See, I’d always had these dreams about him and me, but I thought they were just dreams.  But when the memories started coming I would get the headaches.”  She nods.  “It was too painful, physical and mental.”

“What do you think changed?”

He half shrugs. “I’m not sure.  One night the headache was really bad and I finally decided I was tired of fighting it, so I just let it all wash over me.  It was like a fucking tidal wave, but once I gave into it, things got easier.”

“I don’t mean any disrespect, but you said that you’re in a relationship with Captain Rogers.” Jacob nods.  “Are you in it because you want to be or because Sergeant Barnes was in love with him?”

“That’s the crazy part, I am Sergeant Barnes. I am Bucky.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After therapy

The one thing that Steve and Jacob could count on was that the night of a therapy day was always going to bring nightmares. He’d only had the four sessions, but after the second one, they started to see the pattern.  Jacob goes to bed with Steve that night, like always, but the look of trepidation from Steve has Jacob smirking.  “Afraid I’m going to punch you again?”

Steve sighs. “I’m not afraid of the punching, I’m afraid for you.”  Jacob cocks his head to the side.  “I’m afraid what this is all doing to you.  I’d rather you didn’t remember anything if it means you suffer through this.  I’d rather go to bed with Jacob every night instead of watching you being tortured.”

Jacob does that patented Bucky smirk. “Believe me having a few nightmares is not torture.  I’ve been through torture and this ain’t it, pal.”  It’s such a Bucky thing to come out of Jacob’s mouth, but the tears in Steve’s eyes aren’t a joke.  “Sorry Stevie, that wasn’t really funny for you, huh?”

Jacob pulls him in and lays down, holding Steve close. “I hate that you went through that because I couldn’t do my damn job and protect you.”

Jacob rubs up and down Steve’s back, calming the larger man. “We’ve talked about this Steve, it wasn’t your job to protect me.  I was a grown man that was plenty capable.  You can blame the weak rail on the train, you can blame Hydra, you can blame Zola, but you are going to stop blaming yourself.”  He leans down, kissing the top of Steve’s head.  “Go to sleep, love.”

The surprise that night is that Jacob isn’t the one that wakes up screaming first, Steve is. It isn’t until Jacob climbs into his lap, straddling his thighs, that Steve comes out of it completely.  He clings to Jacob like a lifeline.  “Jay, Jay, Jay…”  He keeps repeating it, holding as tightly as he can.

“Look at me, Stevie.” Steve looks up, taking in the face of the man he will love always.  “I’m not Jay.”  Steve seems startled.  “Call me by my name.”

Steve buries his face in Jacob’s neck. “Buck.  My Bucky.”  Looking up again, he sees the soft look of his best friend.  “I love you so damn much it hurts sometimes.”

“I don’t want you to ever hurt.” Jacob leans down, kissing Steve lightly.  “You’ve got me for as long as you want me.”

“Always.” Steve kisses him again.  “Always want you.”  He brushes Jacob’s hair behind his ear.  “Every you that you are, I want them all.”

Jacob cups his face, caressing his thumb up Steve’s cheeks. “I’m starting to realize this is who I am.”  Steve furrows his brow.  “You remember those pulp fiction books I used to love to read?”  Steve nods.  “Think of it like this, Bucky Barnes got dropped into the 21st century and had to live as someone else to fit in, then he didn’t have to live as that other person anymore and could be himself because someone saw him for who he truly was.”

“Yeah but Jay, that’s discounting everything you are. That’s like saying that Jacob Weaver never existed and he does.  He has a life here.”

“I understand what you’re saying and Jacob is in here too, but they are meshed together in such a way that I need to be me.” Steve quirks his head to the side.  “Stop thinking so hard punk.”  Steve huffs a laugh.  “I want to be called Bucky by you.  All the time, not just when I ask.”

“Are you sure about this?”

Jacob smiles. “I love that you’re worried about me like that, but yes, I’m sure.  I’m your Bucky and I need it.”  Steve nods and they lay back down.  Jacob doesn’t move from Steve’s chest.  “I love you.”   They make out lazily until falling back asleep.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint - because I just really like the character. And the Winter Soldier comes out.

Clint doesn’t understand all of this reincarnation crap, but he really likes this guy that seems to be Cap’s old boyfriend, best friend, family, what the hell ever, so he helps Jacob choose the plants and materials for the garden and structure that Tony asked him to build. It makes him miss the farm, but also settles something in Clint when he has to be away from his own family.  “Hey man, when the pieces for the structure are done, how are you going to put it up without a crew?”

Jacob doesn’t looks up from the Stark Pad he’s working on. “I’m going to have Tony loan me DUM-E and U.  Don’t figure it’s going to take more than that.”

“Huh, that would probably work.”

“Can I ask you a favor and you keep it between us for a little while?” Clint looks up and nods.  “I assume there’s some kind of gun range here?”  Clint squints at him, but nods again.  “Can you show me where it is and the weapons?”

Clint pauses in his hammering. “You’re not planning on going postal on anything are you?”

Jacob laughs. “No, I just want to test a theory.” Clint bobs his head and half shrugs.

“I can do that.” The alarm sounds and Clint jumps up. “Guess we have a job to do.”  He runs towards the building, then stops.  “Hey, the gun range is on the basement level.  To access the weapons, put in the code 1991.”  Then he’s gone.

Jacob continues working when Steve comes out. “Buck?”

Looking up, he sees Steve in his stealth uniform. “Yeah babe?”

“We have a mission. We may be gone for a week maybe two.”  Jacob stands and Steve embraces him.

Jacob lays his head on Steve’s shoulder. “You come back to me safely.”  Steve kisses the top of his head.  “Is the whole team going?”

“Just me, Tony, Thor and Clint.” Jacob pulls back and looks up.  Steve gently caresses his cheek.  “I love you.”

Jacob leans in and kisses him with all of his worry and affection. “I love you too.”

Later, after the team has gone and Jacob has finished working for the day, he makes his way to the gun range. Putting in the code, he pulls out several side arms and a rifle.  He sets up the targets and checks his suspicions.  It turns out, he still has all the skills of his former life.  In fact, if he remembers correctly, he’s better and wonders if his years with Hydra are the reason.  What he isn’t expecting is to turn around and find Natasha standing in the door.

“How long have you been there?” He’s not sure how he feels about the red head, but Steve trusts her, so that counts for something.

“Long enough. You’re very good with the rifle.”  She slinks into the room like a cat and it sets off alarms in Jacob’s head.

“I should be. It’s how I kept Steve safe during the war.”

She stops in front of him, examining him. “You don’t remember me do you?”

It throws Jacob off and he takes a step back. Like so many other times, the memories come in waves.  He doubles over and grabs his head.  He wants to be sick, but instead he feels that quiet presence in his mind take hold for a minute.  Looking up, he knows that his eyes go cold and his arms fall to his side.  She sees it too and backs away from him.  “Natalia Romanova.”  She looks stricken.  “Little spider.”

“Yasha.” It’s a tiny whisper and her hands fly to her mouth.  “You’re in there too.”

Jacob shakes his head and takes a deep breath, letting the new memories wash over him. He stops fighting until they are in place.  Looking up at Natasha, he whimpers and drops to his knees.  He sobs uncontrollably.  She kneels down next to him and holds him so he doesn’t fall over.  “I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry.”

She grasps his face, forcing him to looks her straight in the eye. “No! You will not apologize for things we had no control over.  It was that or be killed.  I’m just sorry I made you remember.”

He doesn’t stop crying for awhile and she stays on the floor with him, rocking him back and forth until he’s cried out. “I did terrible things.”

“We’ve both done terrible things. You aren’t to blame for that.”

“But I shot you. You were just a little girl.”

“Okay, I am going to blame you for that.” They both laugh.  “Do you remember any Russian?”

“Da, gde eto skryvayetsya?” (Yes, where has that been hiding?)

“Under a new life. We’re lucky to have found this new life.  You’re lucky to have Steve.”

“Don’t I know it.” They have dinner that night and talk to each other in Russian.  They talk about what happened to her after he left the Red Room and how she came to be with the Avengers.  He tells her all that he can remember, but the memories of the Soldier are still odd because he only remembers things from when he was out of cryo for long periods of time.  He remembers missions in pieces, he has vivid memories of the chair, and now, a little red-headed girl that plucked at the Soldier’s heart strings.

“Do you remember your last mission or anything after that?”

He shakes his head. “No, not really.”

She doesn’t speak about it, but nods and her shoulders relax. “Why were you at the range earlier?”

“I just wanted to see if I still had some of those skills. I was the Commandos sniper, I figured maybe I could still handle a gun.”

“Obviously you can.”

“In a gun range sure, but who knows what would happen in a real world situation.”

She quirks an eyebrow, but doesn’t say anything else. That night, Jacob wakes screaming with FRIDAY talking him through the nightmare.

“You are Jacob Weaver, you are Jacob Weaver, you are at the Avenger’s Compound in upstate New York, you are safe.”

His breathing evens out. “My name is Bucky. My name is Bucky.  I am not the Soldier.  My name is Bucky.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and the Winter Solder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm including these chapters in the story because they are necessary to get to where I need it to go. The story is finished, I'm just editing the chapters.

Steve checks his phone, finally, when they are on their way back to the Compound. There’s a text from Natasha. _“The nightmares are more intense. He remembers the Red Room.”_

“Son of a bitch!” Steve’s up pacing the jet.

Tony spins around in the pilot seat. “What’s up El Capitan?” 

Clint watches the emotions flit across Steve’s face before the mask of leadership slips into place. “He remembers the Red Room.”

Then Clint watches Tony’s face pale. “Strap in, we gotta get home.”

“What am I missing?” Steve lets the Captain America face drop.

“He remembers being the Winter Soldier in the Red Room.”

Clint’s mouth opens and closes several times before he actually speaks. “The Soldier is a myth.  No one’s ever been able to prove that he existed.”

Steve sits heavy next to Clint. “It’s not a myth.”  Steve knows that he’ll have to tell the whole team everything now.

“Holy shit, Cap.” He looks at Tony.  “How fast can you get us home, Stark?”

“Faster than Natasha can worm secrets out of other spies.”

They spend the rest of the flight with Steve relaying to Clint everything that hasn’t been talked about: everything from the files, everything about Bucky, and everything about the Soldier.  Clint becomes more and more anxious the longer Steve talks.

Steve’s off the jet and into the compound before Tony has it down properly. It’s nearly three in the morning, so he knows that Bucky will be sleeping or he’s not, which is worse.  He doesn’t stop to change or check in with Natasha, he goes straight for their quarters.  He finds Bucky sitting on the sofa, drinking a cup of, what smells like, herbal tea.  “Buck?”

Bucky whips his head around, sits the cup on the table and leaps into Steve’s arms. “Jesus, I missed you.”

Steve pulls back, running his fingers through Bucky’s hair. “How bad is it?”

Bucky’s head falls to Steve’s shoulder. “She told you didn’t she?”

“Yeah.” Bucky looks up.  “I got a text from her.”  Steve pulls him close again and Bucky tucks himself into Steve’s neck.  “She’s just worried about you.  It had to be bad if she contacted me.”

Bucky draws him to the sofa and they sit. “It’s not great.  I don’t remember everything, but enough to know that I did some really horrible things.”

“You know…”

Before Steve can finish, Bucky breaks in. “I’m aware it isn’t my fault, I was forced to do it, but I still did it.”  Steve starts to speak again, but Bucky’s hand stops him.  “I’m talking it out with Janine and doing my best to process all of it.”

Steve pulls him in again, Bucky melts into him. “That’s all anyone can ask.”

After what could have been hours, Bucky isn’t sure because he’s just so damn happy Steve is back. “Why don’t we go to bed?”

Steve stands and pulls Bucky up with him. “Why don’t I shower and then I’ll join you?”

“Is that what that smell is?” He bolts for the door.  “I thought that was the McGarity’s old cat.”

Steve lobs a pillow at him, but laughs along with him. Steve loved cats when he was a kid, but was allergic to them.  That never stopped him from trying to pet the McGarity’s cat, which smelled like he lived in a dumpster.  “You’re an ass, Barnes.”  Only after it’s out of his mouth, does he freeze.

Bucky is facing half away from him, in the door of the bedroom, in silhouette. Jacob may want Steve to call him Bucky all the time, but calling him Barnes may be a step too far.  When he opens his eyes, Bucky’s turned his face back to Steve.  In the soft light of the lamp from the corner, he sees the misty, watery look.  “You finally really see me.”

Steve hadn’t even been aware that part of him was still holding back. This is real.  Stepping into the bedroom, he kisses Bucky Barnes.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day in the life of Steve and Bucky.

Several months have passed and Steve wakes one morning to an empty bed, not just empty, but cold. “FRIDAY, where’s Bucky?”

“Mr. Barnes is in the gym with Ms. Romanov.”

“Dear god, that can’t be good.” He throws on a pair of sweats and a hoodie.  Coming out of the bedroom, he spots the coffee, already made with his mug sitting on the counter.  Inside the mug is a note that simply says, _‘Morning gorgeous.’_ “I’m going to think he really does love me.”

“If you’re just realizing that, Cap, I’m going to start to doubt your tactical genius.” Tony walks in, carrying his own mug.

Steve jumps, turning to his friend. “Damn Tony, wear a bell or something.”

Stark grins and sits at the bar. “You headed down to the gym?”

“Yeah, just going to get some coffee first.” Pouring the dark liquid into the cup, he takes a sip, humming his happiness.

“You two want to be alone.” Steve quirks an eyebrow as Tony indicates between Steve and the mug.  Hopping up, Tony heads to the door.  “Want some company to the gym?”

There’s something suspicious about Tony wanting to go to the gym. He never goes to the gym.  “Tony?”

“Trust me; you’re going to want to see this.”

Steve slips his feet into his shoes, carrying his cup with him.

They walk into the gym to yelling in Russian. Rounding the corner, Natasha is in uniform and Bucky is wearing something close to his old uniform from the war.  The jacket is blue, the pants deep brown with the legs tucked into the boots that are laced halfway up his shins.  In the last few months, he’s let his hair grow longer, almost to his shoulders.  It makes him look fierce and oh so beautiful.  Steve smiles at the image, but looses the smile when Bucky shouts in Russian at Nat.  She’s in a low crouch, then springs at him.  Steve knows that move, has lost fights to that move, but Bucky swings around and has her on the ground.

“What the fuck?” Steve’s stunned by the fact that Nat is on the floor and Bucky hovers over her, grinning.  In the months since the Soldier’s fractured memories were recovered, Steve has had to work very hard to come to terms with Bucky’s need to accept all that he is.  It’s taken these months for Bucky to talk through all of this with Janine, but the more he talks, the better he is able to cope.  Steve’s having trouble with his guilt over Bucky suffering at the hands of Hydra, but he’s getting there with the help of his own therapist.

This time, when he speaks, Bucky comments in English. “You’ll have to do better than that, malen’kiy pauk (little spider).  I taught you that move.”

She’s grinning. “Finally, I have someone worth my time in hand to hand.”

“Hey!” They turn to see Steve, glaring.  “I’ve done pretty well in hand to hand against you.”

Bucky’s face glows and he strides to Steve, kissing him firmly. “Stevie.”  He noses Steve’s cheek.  “How’d you sleep?”

Steve’s arms snake around his waist, pulling him closer. “Good with you there, but I woke up cold.”

“Jesus, you two are nauseating.” Nat joins them.  “He’s better than you, Steve.  But considering he taught me everything I know, he’d have to be.”  That’s another thing that Steve has to work out, Bucky trained Natasha in the Red Room.  He watched her grow from a timid child to a confident adolescent.  He talks about Natasha the way he talks about Olivia.  It’s all very weird.

Tony just keeps smiling. “I have to go into the city to meet Pepper for lunch.  You kids have fun.”

“Did you see? I’m badass, Steve.”  Discovering that he can not only defend himself, but kick some Avenger ass, is a high that Bucky can’t come down from.

“I saw and I’m impressed. Maybe you should be an Avenger.”  He’s joking, but sees the look on Bucky’s face.  “Hey now, wait a minute.”

“I don’t know there, Cap, he can take down Black Widow, maybe we should give him a trial run.” Tony is smirking from the door.

It isn’t until later, in their apartment, that Steve really examines the situation. It is apparent that Bucky remembers enough about hand to hand to take down Nat and Steve knows that he spends time at the range with Clint, but he needs to understand the look he saw earlier and identify if this is something Bucky actually wants.

“Buck?”

Bucky comes from the bedroom, wrapped in a towel and little else, finishing a call with Oli. “What’s up, punk?”

Steve melts at that. He’s a sentimental sap, knows it, and embraces it when it comes to Bucky.  “What’s going on?”

Bucky stops on his trek to the kitchen. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, what was your reaction to the Avenger stuff?” Steve’s nervous because he really doesn’t want Bucky in anymore danger.

Bucky grins. “I wasn’t serious, you know.”  Steve visibly relaxes.  “It was just fun messin with ya.”

Steve schools his face and squares his shoulders. “If you really wanted to, I wouldn’t stop you.”

Bucky smirks, folding his arms across his chest. “But you hate the idea of me fighting anymore, knowing everything you know.”

Steve stares at the floor and blushes. “Well…yeah.”

Bucky comes to him, dropping the towel, and pressing himself into Steve. “I think I’ve done enough fighting for two lifetimes.”  He puts his arms around Steve.  “It was just fun tapping into some of that other stuff, just to see, but I’d much rather spend my time with you doing other things.”

Steve’s arms slip around Bucky, cupping his ass, with a slow, sly smirk. “Oh yeah, and what might those things be.”

Bucky jumps and Steve’s hands hold him up, his legs wrap around Steve’s waist. “I think you know.  Now take me back to bed Rogers and take your time with me.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the end.

The whole team leaves, with the exception of Tony, after a call comes in from Washington. Although Hydra fell awhile ago, splinter cells keep popping up.  In this case, an old facility in Austria seems to be up and running again.  The small military base nearby sent soldiers in and according to the report, the weapons used against them were more like something seen in the Battle of New York.  It sets the Avengers on high alert.  It, unfortunately, interrupts Steve and Bucky in the shower.

Bucky makes his way to the command center after the team leaves and he makes sure that Olivia gets back on the road to the city. Tony smirks at him as he sits.  “Sorry to interrupt your earlier activities.”

Bucky returns the smirk. “No you aren’t.”  Tony laughs and opens communications with the jet.  “By the way, why aren’t you on this mission?”

He hears Steve’s voice reply. “Because this is as much a diplomatic mission as it is anything else and Tony isn’t very diplomatic.”

Bucky barks out a laugh while Tony puts the communication up on screen and tries to look insulted. “Heya Stevie.”

Steve’s face comes up on the monitor. “Hey Buck.”  They stare at each other sappy and love-struck.

“Dear god, are you two ever going to get out of the honeymoon phase?” Tony doesn’t really mind it, but gives them a hard time as often as possible.

Sam’s face comes on screen, shoving Steve out of the way. They haven’t seen Sam in months because of his job in Washington.  “Hey Barnes, how’s married life.”  Sam grins and Steve looks insulted.  “Nice hair.  You joinin a boy band?”

There’s snickering from the rest of the Avengers and from the agents in the command center. Bucky quirks an eyebrow at Steve and Captain America prepares himself to blush.  “Had to grow it out to give Steve something to pull on.”

Sam holds his hand up to the screen, turns half away. “That’s it, I’m done with you.  I’ll never get that image out of my head.”

A light flashes on Tony’s screen, it’s the most recent information from Austria. “Okay, back to business folks.  I’m forwarding information that just came in.  We may be dealing with something bigger than we thought.”

Bucky looks through the information too and his eyes get wider and his eyebrows travel north. “What the hell is this?”  He taps the picture and it increases in size.  It’s a man, obviously, but he wearing a black stealth suit and his head is covered in a mask.  “Is that a cat mask?”


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hydra's intention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the last chapter was so short, I decided to put up a second one.

The Avengers land at the military base, miles from the Hydra facility, and are taken to the commander’s office. They are given schematics of the base and a rundown of what the Austrian soldiers faced when sent in the first time.  Since then, the commander has ordered recon only.  It’s then that Steve realizes what he’s looking at.  “Dear god, this Azzano.”

The commander looks up, knowing Captain America’s history with the factory. “Yes, now you know why I called the First Avenger for this.”

It’s decided to send Black Widow in with Clint to do recon on the factory. The tech that the Avengers carry is far more advanced than what the Austrian military has access to.  Steve makes the call home.  “Tony, is Bucky around?”

Tony looks concerned. “No, he’s on the phone with his sister, I think.”

“Clear the command center.” Tony gives an order and after several seconds, he nods at Steve.  “Hydra has taken over Azzano, again.”

Tony’s eyes close for a second. “I can try to keep Barnes out of the command center, but he’s going to hear it from someone, better that it’s you.”

Widow and Hawkeye come stumbling into the office, looking beat up, Clint has a cut over his eye and Nat is limping and holding her stomach. Steve goes to help support Nat.  “What the hell happened?” 

Tony takes in the scene and waits for a response. They help Nat onto the sofa and come back to the screen.  “That cat guy was there.  He’s not with them, but he’s not with us either.”  He looks back at Nat.  “Nat took him on, but you can see that didn’t go well.”  She shoots the finger at Clint.  “I shot the guy with everything I had and nothing fazed him.  It was almost like it gave him more power.”

Steve looks back at Nat and she waves him off. “Did you get any intel?  Anything we can use?”

She nods and hands him the tech. “I don’t know what that suit is made of, but it seemed to absorb anything we threw at him.”

Steve looks back at the screen and he and Tony voice their opinion at the same time. “Vibranium.”

After a long day of analyzing the data from the recon mission, Steve sits down in a private office and calls the Compound. Tony answers immediately with his mouth full of food and a grinning Bucky next to him.  Steve gives a soft smile.  “Hey Buck.”

Bucky reaches out, touching the screen and Tony rolls his eyes. “You look tired, love.”

Steve’s face falls. “We have to talk.”

“Cap, I don’t like that face.” Tony’s leaning forward in his chair, but Bucky is leaning away.

“I don’t like having this face.” He smirks, but Bucky sees it for what it is, Steve trying to lighten his own mood.  “The factory is up and running and we know what they are trying to do.”  Steve tells Bucky about Nat and Clint coming back after a run in with the cat man, but they don’t know anything more about him, just that he’s strong, almost like he’s enhanced, and the suit is vibranium.  He repeats that the factory they are set up in is Azzano.  Bucky visibly pales at that information.  “What we got from the surveillance is that there are more soldiers than we thought and they brought some things with them.”

Steve’s barely looking at the screen anymore. Bucky leans in.  “What did they bring, Steve?”

He looks up, locking eyes with Bucky. “The Soldier’s arm.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky figures it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is finished and edited, so I'm posting everything.   
> In this chapter, Bucky has a conversation with himself, it will read disjointed because that's how my conversations go when I'm thinking out loud.

Bucky’s been moving around the control room for close to an hour. Tony just watches as he moves.  This is a side of the man that Tony’s never seen.  He’s mumbling to himself as Tony and the agents look on.  When he stops, he stares into the distance, not really seeing anything.  It’s when Bucky has stopped with a dazed stare that Tony finally speaks.

“What do you think they are doing?” Tony is watching Bucky pace the command center again.  The other agents continue watching covertly as they do their jobs.  This has been the scene since disconnecting with Steve.

Bucky is thinking out loud as he walks the perimeter of the room. He’s working it through because he has a connection to Hydra that no one in the room is aware of, except Tony.  He’s not really talking to anyone in particular, so Tony has FRIDAY recording everything.  “If they want to take over, which is what Hydra always wants to do; they need a weapon.  It would need to work in stealth.  I steered the course quietly from the shadows, just like they trained me, for decades.  I mean, I killed John F. Kennedy for god sakes.”  The whole room freezes and Tony waves them back to working again.  “So, how do you get rid of just the right people at just the right time?”  Tony watches intently while Bucky works through his own jumbled thoughts.  “You make another weapon, of course, but you have to have someone that’s willing to do that.  I mean they brought that goddamn arm.  Man, I hated that thing.  Heavy as shit and hurt all the fucking time.”  Tony watches him veer off course and into his own memories, but he just as quickly comes back.  “It can’t be a volunteer; no one would do that willingly.  They have to have someone in mind.”  He looks out the window, staring into nothing.  Tony watches as his brain starts cycling through thought after thought.  When he turns around, Tony sees that he knows what’s happening.  “We have to go, Tony.  We have to go now!”

They don’t talk again until they are on the jet; having stopped to suit up and for Bucky to grab more weapons from the armory. “What’s going on, kid?  You’re freaking me out.”

“Hydra wouldn’t set this whole thing up and let their presence leak out if they didn’t need to put certain people in play.” Tony nods, flipping a couple of switches above his head.  “They let the information leak so that the Avengers would show up.  They needed their target local.”  Tony is trying to put everything in order and come up with the right answer, but he’s not getting it and it frustrates him.  “When I was taken to Azzano, I was injected with a serum similar to Steve’s.  I never told him back then, but it’s what kept me alive when I fell and how I survived everything they did to me.  They need someone with the serum, for this all to work.”

“Oh god, they want Cap.” He flips another switch and the jet jolts.  “FRIDAY, get Cap, now!”


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's capture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were a few days last week in which no chapters were put up for a few days. This is chapter is the beginning of the why. I got stuck because I knew where I wanted it to go, but I didn't know how to get there. Then a friend told me to back off and wait that it would come. I listened to my characters talking to me for a couple of days and this is where the story took an unexpected turn.

The decision is made on a frontal attack allowing some of the team to flank the base. Once the plan is formed, in the war room of the base, it’s taken to the unit commanders.  When the orders are out, they start for the factory.  Within a half mile of Azzano, they are confronted by the guy in the cat suit.  Cap takes the lead, the guy crouches and Steve prepares for an attack, pulling the shield from his back.  Then, as quickly as it seems to spiral, the guy stands, removes his mask, to reveal a regal looking man of about 25.  Cap stands down from his attack stance and the man smiles wryly at him. 

“If I had known that those two were with you, Captain,” He indicates Clint and Natasha. “I would not have beaten them up.”  He comes forward, extending his hand.

Steve chuckles and takes the offered hand. “You have me at a disadvantage.”

His smile grows. “I am T’Challa.  The weapons they are using were stolen from my country.”

Natasha’s eyes nearly bug out of her head at that information. Wakanda is a poor country, but she’s aware of their royal family.

“So you’re here to retrieve your weapons.” T’Challa nods.  “How did they come into the weapons?”

There’s a sigh. “It would seem that some in my country would like to extend our boarders and our control.”

“And you are against this?” Natasha has come forward to join Steve.

“I am not against reaching outside my country to aid, but I am against reaching outside my country to dominate.” That’s good enough for Steve.

“Then perhaps we should do this together. After we bring down the Hydra cell, you take your weapons home.”  T’Challa nods again.

“You are a good man, Captain.” He replaces his mask.

“I try to be.”

They make it into the factory with little resistance. The soldiers seem to lack training, so Steve comes to the assumption that they are new recruits.  Once they get inside, things are much different.  Clint voices his concern to which Natasha agrees.  “Cap, this seems a little too easy.”

Cap is taking on a dozen or so guards. “Easy to say when you aren’t being surrounded.”

Somewhere during the fight, Tony comes on the com, but Steve isn’t in a position to answer. Natasha answers, telling him that they’re kind of busy.  “They’re after Cap.  You have to get to him.”

That gets her moving. She makes her way deeper into the factory followed by Sam, but can’t get eyes on him.  “Anyone have eyes on Cap?”  The following ‘negatives’ have Bucky on the edge of his seat.  Panic is welling inside of him because no one, but he and Tony, understands what all of this could mean.

T’Challa answers with worry in his voice. “We were together, but he has disappeared.”

Bucky’s voice comes on the com. “Steve, if you can hear me, you better damn well answer!”

The com stays silent.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Torture and the Winter Soldier is back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I wrote this chapter, I had to walk away after. I didn't want Bucky to have to do anything like this and never actually planned it, but once I got to this point, there was no other way for it to play.

When Steve comes to, he’s strapped into a chair. He knows this chair; he’s seen pictures of this chair.  No one in the room talks to him: no threats, no menacing talk, just silence.  He watches and makes mental notes of everything around him, the faces of the guards and what appear to be scientists.  One of the scientists is much older than they others.  If this is what he thinks, he could be in a lot of trouble.  The ease getting into the factory makes sense now; they were waiting for him.  On a table, not far away, he can see his uniform and shield. 

Closing his eyes, he thinks of Bucky. Whatever they may be getting ready to do, he has Bucky.  If the man he loves survived this then he will too.  The chair tilts back, Steve pulls viciously at the restraints, but nothing moves.  I guard comes over and shoves a mouth guard in and Steve clinches.  As the head piece lowers into place, clamping tightly to his head, Steve thanks whoever might be listening that it’s him this time and not Bucky.  They push the lever and Steve’s body lights up; arching into an unnatural bend.  His screams fill the chamber until everything goes black.

Bucky is in a solid black uniform when they land and exits the quinjet, determined that whatever is happening to Steve will be undone. Clint comes over weary of the focused, cold expression on Bucky’s face.  “Hey, we’ve secured the base, but there’s no sign of Cap.”

Tony comes down the ramp in his newest suit. “FRIDAY, scan for any way they could have gotten him out.”

“They didn’t get him out. He’s still here.”  Bucky’s voice is lower, dangerous.

“How do you know?” This comes from the newest member of the team.  T’Challa regards this new-comer with interest.

Bucky turns to the man in the cat suit. “Because during the 60’s I was kept and reconditioned here for a time.”

T’Challa looks confused and Natasha pats him on the shoulder. “Don’t ask, it’s even more confusing than you wearing a cat suit.”

Tony puts his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “Can you show us?”

Bucky doesn’t answer, just goes back into the jet, grabs several knives, a Glock, and his rifle and heads into the factory. He walks by the captured guards and zeros in on one.  Going over, he pulls the man to his feet.  “Do you know me?”  The man’s eyes widen and he nods.  “Then you know what I can do to you before I kill you.”  The man nods again.  “Is the entrance in the same place?”

“Y-y-you d-died.” Bucky growls and even his team back up. 

“Not even close.” He pulls the man in until their chests are touching.  “The entrance!”  The man’s eyes close and he shakes with fear.  “SAME PLACE?”  The man just nods without ever opening his eyes again.  Bucky throws the man to the ground.  “If you lied to me, I’ll come back for you.”

“He’s too young to remember you. How did you know which one to ask?”  Natasha is impressed.

“He’s the only one that showed recognition of the Winter Soldier. Probably the son of someone in the program.  Or just a fan.”  Bucky doesn’t stop walking. 

“We checked all of this and the scans show only solid rock behind the walls.” Clint is intrigued by this new side of his friend.

“That’s what the scans are supposed to show.”

Tony makes a huff. “A stealth loop.”  Bucky nods, but doesn’t look back.  “Simple, but effective.”

Bucky remembers this place, he remembers being locked in the cages, he remembers being dragged out and experimented on, he remembers looking up and seeing Steve’s face and thinking he’d died and gone to his own personal heaven. He remembers Steve telling him to leave and save himself and he remembers yelling that he wouldn’t leave without Steve.  He won’t leave this place until he has Steve safely in his arms and he’s willing to kill anyone to make that happen.  He knows that’s not just the Soldier’s thinking, but all of him.

As they come around a corner a straggler guard comes out of nowhere, before he can even raise his gun, Bucky swings behind him, using his knife to cut the man’s throat. The team stops, stunned by the efficiency.  “Uh…Bucky…you…”

“He was between me and Steve. He had to go and a gun would make too much noise.”  Clint just nods.  They reach their destination or so it seems because Bucky stops and stares at a wall.  He turns to the team.  “When this wall goes, I want everyone in there immobilized.  I’ll get Steve.”  He turns back to the wall.  “But you should know, they’ve probably put him in the chair by now.  It may not…he may not be…”  They watch as he shakes that off and looks at Tony.  “Blow the wall.”

The next few minutes are filled with the explosion, screaming guards and scientists, and Bucky zeroing in on Steve’s body lying prone on a table. Bucky checks Steve’s pulse, it’s strong, but he’s not conscious; he turns on a scientist at the far end of the room.  The man’s face is familiar and just for a second Bucky wonders how he’s still alive.  It’s been decades, yet he’s still taking freewill away from people.  The scientist pulls a gun.  Pulling his own, Bucky shoots the man in the knee and strides over.  Taking everyone else in the room, he leaves to the rest of the team.  Going to the scientist, he grabs him by the throat, shoving him into the wall.   The man’s eyes nearly pop out of his head when he sees Bucky’s face.  “Hey doc, remember me.” 

“I watched you die.” He gasps as he talks.

“It didn’t take.” He looks back at Steve.  “How many times have you shocked him?”

The man just smiles. “He’s no good to you now.” 

Bucky holds him in place and pulls out his knife. The rest of the team has subdued everyone else and are just watching.  “Did you know, doc, there are many places on the human body that can be punctured and it takes hours for the person to bleed out.”  Bucky takes the knife and inserts it into the scientist.  The man screams and Tony starts forward, but Natasha holds him back.  “That’s one.  How many more do you think you can take?”  He presses it into the scientist again, three inches above the previous wound.  “Tell me what I want to know and I’ll stop.  You don’t, I’ll show you all the ways I can torture you.”  Inserting the knife a third time, the scientist caves.

“ONCE!” He whimpers.  “Just one cycle in the chair.”  He whines and blood seeps out of his mouth.  “Needed to see how effective it would be.”  Blood drips down Bucky’s hand, but he pays no attention to it.  More blood oozes out around the blade, staining the white coat the doctor wears.

Bucky looks at Natasha. “Steve’s going to need help.  Do we have anyone on staff at the Compound that can deal with brain injury?”

T’Challa steps forward. “There is someone in Wakanda that can fix this.”

Bucky nods, he puts pressure on the scientist’s neck, snapping it. “Then that’s where we go.”  He lets the body fall to the floor and goes to pick Steve up.  “Get his uniform and shield.”  Without another word he exits the chamber, carrying Steve bridal style.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Wakanda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's only one more chapter after this.

Wakanda is nothing like any of them think it’s going to be. When they break through the force field, Tony nearly loses his mind with the possibilities.  Steve is still unconscious and Bucky hasn’t left his side.  He washed up, but didn’t change.  Nat and Clint watch from a distance and every now and then, Tony turns in his seat.  When the jet lands, a floating stretcher is brought on board and Bucky still doesn’t let go of Steve’s hand.  When the orderlies try to take Steve, Bucky growls in a way that is more Soldier than Bucky.

T’Challa comes forward and speaks in his native language and the orderlies don’t try to remove Bucky again. “My friends, welcome to Wakanda.”  When Tony disembarks, he can see the weapons taken from the factory being unloaded from the Wakandan jet.  The second quinjet lands and the rest of the team joins them.  “I will take you to rooms that have been prepared.  You can wash up or rest.”

Nat steps up. “Whoever you have looking at Steve may need a warning about his companion.”

T’Challa chuckles. “I am not worried for my sister.”  He turns and watches the stretcher being taken inside.  “I worry for your friend.”

The lab that Steve is taken to looks nothing like anything Bucky has ever seen. He’s hyper-vigilant of everyone around them.  I girl, no more than 16 comes to the stretcher.  “Ah, a broken white boy to fix.”

Bucky grumbles. “Don’t call him that.”

She smirks. “You do not want me to note the color of his skin?”

“I don’t want you calling him broken.” She takes in the Soldier and looks at the stretcher.

“He is your husband?” She goes from joking to serious.

“Not yet.” Bucky looks down at Steve and that’s when he knows.  “You fix him and I’ll marry him the second he wakes up.”

She smiles. “I am Shuri, sister to Black Panther.”

Bucky does a double take. “You’re a princess.”

She’s moving her arm over Steve’s head. “I am a scientist.  Princess is a useless title.”

Bucky smiles for the first time since being at the Compound. The girl taps the bead and an image of Steve’s brain floats above the bracelet.  “You can fix him?”

She looks up and smiles. “I can fix him.”


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was no way this wasn't going to end in fluff.

Steve wakes to people talking. The sound is muffled, but he can hear one is male and the other female.  The more he comes into the waking world, the clearer the voices get.  One is definitely Bucky and the other is a woman with an accent.  “You must propose first, then we can plan the wedding.”

There’s a snort from Bucky. “I don’t even have a ring.”

“Ah, but you see, three days ago when you made your interest clear, I made one for you.”

There’s a gasp. “It’s incredible.”  Then a pause.  “What is it made out of, it’s beautiful?”

“Like everything else here, it is made of vibranium.”

Steve blinks and then has to squint to shield his eyes from the light. “Buck?”

Bucky jumps to his feet, brushing the hair away from Steve’s forehead. “Steve.”  He kisses Steve’s cheek, then his lips.  “Stevie.”

Steve blinks again and smiles up at Bucky. “Hi beautiful.”  Buck can’t hold it in anymore and starts to cry.  “Oh baby, don’t cry.”

Bucky leans in, resting his forehead against Steve’s, mumbling. “I thought I lost you.  I can’t lose you, not now, not when everything is falling into place finally.”

The girl comes to the bed grinning. “Welcome back, Captain.”  She looks at Bucky.  “You said as soon as he’s awake.  Get it done, Barnes.”

Bucky starts to laugh through his tears. “You’re very bossy.”  Steve looks up confused.  “Okay then, get everyone else in here.”  Within minutes, the team and T’Challa are standing in the room.  There are multiple welcome backs and Nat even hugs him.  Shuri touches the screen near the bed and Oli’s face comes on screen.  She waves at everyone.  Bucky waves back and turns to Steve again.  “I made a promise to _Princess_ Shuri,” She sticks her tongue out at him, “that I would do this as soon as you woke up, so…”  He takes Steve’s hand, kissing the palm.  “Steve, we’ve been through so much, too much if you ask me, and I don’t want to go another day without having everything I ever wanted.  Through all of my lives, there’s only been one constant and that’s you.  I don’t want you to ever doubt how I feel about you.”  He sits on the edge of the bed and holds up the ring.  “Marry me Steven Rogers.”

Steve looks at the faces of everyone around him, then at the screen where Oli is nodding furiously. “I’ll marry every incarnation of you there is.”

**Author's Note:**

> I really need to know if this is worth posting. Give it a few chapters and then let me know if I need to just take it down and not continue.


End file.
